The California Department of Insurance issued a statement a couple days ago that was unusual for a number of reasons: first, it wasn’t mind-bleachingly boring, and second, it involved a bear suit and a Rolls-Royce. Now, hold on, before you start complaining about yet another bear-suit-and-Rolls-Royce story, I promise you this one is worth hearing about because it’s a good reminder of how Big Insurance keeps you from doing all sorts of fun stuff, like dressing up like a bear and committing (alleged) fraud.
If you’re like most of us, you probably enjoy taking some time every now and then to kick back, put on a nice warm bear suit, grab some sharp garden tools in your hands, wait until the dark of night, then climbing into a 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost and just go ham on the inside of the car. It’s fun, it’s cathartic, perhaps slightly erotic, and if you do it right, you can maybe make some money! Illegally, sure, but what are we, saints?
The California Department of Insurance seems to be pretty against this sort of thing, as it has identified four people who allegedly did just this; here’s what the California Department of Insurance had to say:
Four Los Angeles area residents were arrested today after a Department of Insurance investigation found the suspects allegedly committed insurance fraud by claiming a bear had caused damage to their vehicles, but it was actually a person in a bear costume.[The suspects] of Valley Village, have all been charged with insurance fraud and conspiracy.
The Department’s investigation began after an insurance company suspected fraud. The suspects claimed on January 28, 2024 in Lake Arrowhead a bear entered their 2010 Rolls Royce Ghost and caused interior damage to the vehicle. They provided video footage to their insurance company, which showed the alleged bear in the vehicle.
I’m sure you want to see the video footage, so here it is:
It’s kind of hard to see the bear going nuts in there, but I think even with the minimal bits of bear-action you can see, it’s pretty clear it’s not a real bear. Also, those claw marks look awfully neat and parallel for bear claws, don’t they? I mean, look at this:
photo: California Department of Insurance
That bear also seemed to exhibit a lot more restraint than I’ve come to expect from a bear. Of course, it wasn’t a bear, it was a bear suit, and the claws were hand-held garden tool things. It looks like this:
photo: California Department of Insurance
The quartet of alleged insurance fraud furries also allegedly tried the same bear attack scheme on a 2015 Mercedes G63 AMG and a 2022 Mercedes E350, and did manage to get over $140,000 from insurance companies. A biologist from the California Department of Fish and Wildlife was employed by the Department to conclusively prove the attacks were a guy in a suit and not an actual bear.
I do feel compelled to note that if you want to trash your own Rolls-Royce in a bear suit, it’s completely legal! You just can’t try to get insurance money for it. But that’s fine! Dressing up as an animal and going nuts trashing the interior of luxury cars should be enjoyed on its own merits, not debased for monetary gain.
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Geez, that seems pretty obviously NOT done by an animal. Those look like barbecue meat hooks rather than a garden tool. Glad it was caught.
They’d been better off trying to show the damage off as “art” or as a statement piece or something. Maybe park it near a homeless encampment or find some former Occupy Wall Street folks to trash it instead.
GEICO: Smarter than the average bear.
Just American Patriots allaying themselves of their right to Bear Arms.
Yeah…I like how the bears closes and opens the doors
I thought furries were “friendlier” than this.
I wonder how many times they got away with this in a Studebaker.
waka! waka!
I need to like this 4 or 5 times.
I bet all the perps scat when the police came
I wonder how long they were bruin up this scheme.
Bears always BM when they get into a car, I’m assuming that’s the missing detail that sank them here.
I beg your pardon? I do no such thing.
I thought they do that in the woods.
It might be only Pooh bears that do that.
Bearly legal
“I’m sorry, I thought this was AMERICA!”
Those are BBQ meat claws. The Kitchen Mama ones from Amazon. Never found them useful for BBQ though.
https://a.co/d/0nfXFM0
Those claws are bear scat compared to just two itty bitty forks.
Even better is a Kitchenaid with the paddle attachment. The only way to shred meat quickly and efficientl.
first clue – the bear was wearing a shirt
Yep, Yogi only wears a tie.
Pants are for losers!
That’s what Donald Duck says.
I can’t understand a word he says so I’ll have to take your word for it.
As a bear I’d also like to call out the perpetrators for cultural appropriation.
Also, specieist to call them bears.
Ursine-Americans.
Here’s ursine.
Hey Boo Boo, this Rolls Royce has a pic-n-ic basket!
I know people don’t like to talk about politics on this site. But I need to. When a man can’t even put on a bear suit and trash the inside of his 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost in order to commit insurance fraud, then freedom really is dead in this country.
I remember growing up, when putting on a bear suit and trashing the inside of your 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost in order to commit insurance fraud would get you a ride home from the cops, and a winking “don’t do that again.” Cops knew that boys (wearing bear suits and trashing the inside of their 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghosts in order to commit insurance fraud) will be boys. Parents knew that kids (wearing bear suits and trashing the inside of their 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghosts in order to commit insurance fraud) needed the space to just be kids. But these days, between helicopter parents and the nanny state, there’s no room for someone who likes to put on a bear suit and trash the inside of his 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost in order to commit insurance fraud.
And that’s a damn shame.
It was a simpler time. When we thought furry was an adjective.
So THIS is why they’re always complaining about commie-fornia.
Whatever happened to the right to bear arms.
I can’t bear to watch the video.
It’s the facts laid bear…
I mean it was bearly obvious
Now that’s a grizzly crime scene.
Clearly the perp was bipolar…?
Sorry, I’m really trying here.
they hardly had to scratch the surface
“The quartet of alleged insurance fraud furries also allegedly tried the same bear attack scheme on a 2015 Mercedes G63 AMG and a 2022 Mercedes E350, and did manage to get over $140,000 from insurance companies.”
If I ever come in power, my first executive order is to declare that any G-wagen owner will be automatically found guilty of whatever offense he is accused of.
In other words if he shows up to fight a parking ticket, he will be found guilty of capital murder and be summarily executed.
They missed the obvious out of “some guy in a bear suit trashed our Rolls! WTF!?!”
Are they sure this was insurance fraud, and not just a “furry” thing?
Last frame on the video, Smokey the Bear puffing a cig.
Only you can prevent insurance fraud.
The giveaway on that would be if they made a hole in the seat that’s suspiciously damp and sticky
That would be from the bear claws. Messy things, but tasty.
Florida man in California
Bear in mind, it could be a Florida bear in California too
So, Cocaine Bear moved to CA then.