You know what I hate? Stupid, arbitrary aesthetic rules in communities about things like what color things need to be painted or how garage doors can’t be open or what vehicles can be parked in a driveway. They’re ridiculous. Like the rule that Seaside, California has about how boats must be hidden by fences. Why? Who decided that a boat was so hideous to look at? Are there really people who can’t handle the sight of a boat? Unless a boat is made from rhino intestines and swastikas, I have trouble seeing how anyone would find one offensive to look at. And yet that was the gist of the letter sent from the city of Seaside to the wonderfully-named home-and-boat-owning Etienne Constable: hide your boat with a fence. So Constable, wanting to abide by the law, did just that, but with a twist: he hired a muralist to paint a realistic mural of his boat right on the fence. Because screw you, city.
The end result is something that feels like perhaps what a glass fence might look like in front of the boat, or, really, no fence at all. It’s glorious. A wonderful monument to the beauty of just the right kind of spite, the best kind of subversive compliance that both meets the requirements of the law while revealing the idiocy of the law itself.
Constable got the notice that a “coverage screen” was required to hide the hideous nauticality of the boat back in 2023, and built the required fence and driveway, and the mural was just completed this month. As you can guess, a story like this got the attention of local news:
The artist who painted the mural, Hanif Wondir, also shot this fun time-lapse video of the mural being painted:
I’m guessing the mural used a photo reference of the boat park in situ in the driveway to make sure everything looked just right, and the resulting image feels dead-on, even aligning with the real boat’s railings and roll bar behind the fence.
Man who kept his boat besides his house was ordered from the city to put up a fence to hide the boat from view. So he built the fence and hired someone to paint it. pic.twitter.com/wrkQh6RjXn
— Doug Aoki (@Nantanreikan) May 9, 2024
So far, the city has not contacted Constable to comment on the perfectly legal fence or the perfectly legal artwork shown on the fence, and for his part, Constable seems pretty pleased with all the attention his fence has been getting:
“I’m all in favor of generating a discussion and making people smile. The reaction is extremely more than we ever expected and we’re both just tickled about it.”
Really, I hope this little compliance stunt does make people actually really think about the arbitrary nature of what we decide is “aesthetic” or not. Is a plain wooden fence really more appealing to look at than a boat? Why? A fence is boring, and a boat is at least interesting, and a reminder that people sometimes do things for enjoyment. Why is that considered an eyesore? None of this makes sense to me.
This isn’t even an HOA rule, it’s a city-wide rule, which is worse. We know HOAs can tend to be petty and tyrannical for insipid reasons; that sort of crabbed thinking making it to the city level and becoming enshrined into law is just perverse. And I’m not buying any property-devaluing arguments. It’s a boat, not a tire incinerator or a hillock of cattle waste. It’s just a boat. If you can’t bear the sight of a boat that’s not on your property, then I think you need more help than even a fence can provide.
Anyway, good for you, Etienne Constable. Way to stick it to the man.
A BOAT? In SEAside? I never!
I fully support this kind of trolling. The man spent $$$ just to shame capricious tiny dictators. Good for you, Etienne.
Am I the only one picturing Étienne Constable with a thick French accent?
”I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
There is a city ordinance here in my Missouri town near the Mississippi that you have to have your boat beside/behind your house on a pad. My roommate years ago got a notice for parking his boat on the driveway too long and parked it on the side of the house behind a tall privacy fence. That still wasn’t good enough because it was on pavers, not a pad so he had to put it in storage. F*ing busy bodies complaining. Now I live in a different house in the same area and am currently rebuilding my pontoon. I am a little wary as I had to pull it past the front of the house on my side pad so I could stuff all the seats and whatnot behind it while I redo the deck. I hope I don’t get any crap..
here in coastal Maine, fucking with anyone about a boat in the yard is on par with biting the head off a bald eagle, or seizing guns
Love Maine! I visited Auburn years ago for work loved driving through the state. Need to get back!
Lots of boats around here. The only one that kind of bothers me is my neighbor with a commercial lobster boat in his driveway. I believe the boat is longer than the largest dimension of the house.
Damn! As an auto website member please tell what he pulls that with… a semi?!
I’ve never seen it get picked up or dropped off, but I assume it does get moved with a semi. He doesn’t have a trailer for it – it spends the off-season on the boat equivalent of jackstands.
I’ve seen several boat transport companies with a small semi rig and a trailer with hydraulic things that hold the boat in place. Like these trailers: https://www.brownellboattrailersinc.com/highway-trailers/
It’s not a gigantic boat, it’s probably in the 40-50 foot range.
Splashive aggressive.
I love everything about this.
Part of me likes the creativity.
Part of me cringes at the possibility of owning a house where I might someday live next to someone like this.
Why would that be an issue? He seems fantastic.
Where I live in Ontario, there is a bylaw against parking a boat or trailer on your driveway in front of your house. Beside or behind is acceptable, and they don’t say you have to have a fence. Enforcement is only done if someone complains, and they will never let you know who has complained. Many people have boats parked in front of their houses, because especially in newer builds it is rare to have a driveway running back behind the house.
Similar rule here in my town in Missouri. No problems unless someone complains. The only problem is that a lot of old people live in my neighborhood that have nothing better to do than complain.
kudos for hiring an artist to do that, the easiest way would’ve been to take a good picture on a proper camera and just plotted the thing on the fence
I like the owner. He didn’t rant and rave, he just took a situation and poked gentle fun.
And had it done up in a classy way.
I grew up on an island in the Puget Sound, and one of the neighborhoods my mom lived in required that any boats be either stored inside the garage, or off site. ON. AN. ISLAND.
I’m guessing… Mercer Island?
That’s a generous interpretation of in the sound, but I’d 100% expect that level of pettiness on Mercer Island.
Whidbey. Not a ton of those sort of snooty-hoods there, but they still exist!
Nope, one of the only HOA’s on Whidbey.
Combined with:
I’m not saying that there’s a passage in a holy book that tells you to pluck out your eye if looking at an “eyesore” makes you unable to love your neighbor, but I think there’s a case to be made.
If thy right eye, having beheld thy neighbor’s ship, should cause thy buttocks to suffer, it is more profitable for thee that thou shouldst consort with thyself
Torch… I love your rants. But you are off-base on this one.
You’d probably need to use the “Wayback Machine” to find this article were I to take the time to craft a thoughtful, thorough response that did justice to the subject (urban design and zoning)… so forgive me if use a few blanket generalizations like you have.
Zoning laws can be arbitrary. They can be overdone. But all in all? Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that we have them. Zoning laws are why _everything_ doesn’t look like a shitty suburban strip mall.
In this case… I don’t find the boat offensive. But this law is to prevent houses from looking like my brothers… who has a boat, a rotating, random assortment of flood-salvage cars bought off auction and a few atvs in his driveway. And side yard. And back yard. The city made him move the RV he had there until recently. It’s an eyesore.
That’s different than this boat. But how and where do you draw the line? We waste enough time making regulations as-is. We can’t possibly craft perfect zoning laws. Having imperfect zoning laws is far better than having none.
So while I absolutely _love_ the response… and do feel that this regulation overstepped in this _particular_ case… I get why it’s there.
I won’t be surprised if I get flamed for this post… But name me a great urban space that resulted from a complete lack of rules. Or a “benevolent dictator.” We need to make better and flexible rules. But rules themselves are not a bad thing.
– Architect and former member of a city design review board
The way to treat eyesores in eyesight of others on one’s own property is to require permits (and associated annual fees) for eyesores.
One man’s eyesore is another man’s Pontiac Aztek.
Wait
I’m a City planner for a small town in Washington. 90% of my job is upsetting (to me and the citizens) but I’m glad it exists. People seem to change their minds reaaaal quick about zoning if you ask them if they’d like an asphalt plant or refinery in their neighborhood.
That’s a fallacious statement. As if there’s no difference between what can happen in residential zone vs commercial and industrial. Allowing someone to store their property on their property is a far cry from allowing an asphalt manufacturing plant to be built behind them.
No. It’s not. Zoning is _precisely why_ there is a difference. Regulations can be over-done… but not having them (because of the potential for local jurisdictions to over-reach) is far worse than having them.
My hot take is that I’d rather live next to a pig sty then have to pay a monthly fee to some random board of NIMBYs and Karens and have to file a petition any time I want to paint my shutters.
Oh HOAs are a totally different ball of wax. Fuck that noise.
If you just painted your shutters on one of the three approved colors per the architectural guidelines dated 1983, you wouldn’t have an issue.
So this is the guy who voted to keep the HOA open after the developer handed it over to the community.
This is a city issue. Not a HOA issue.
As stated… my point is that making overly general statements along the lines of “city = bunch of jerks who have no business making regulations that affect my property”… is woefully shortsighted.
“who has a boat, a rotating, random assortment of flood-salvage cars bought off auction and a few atvs in his driveway. And side yard. And back yard.”
Sounds like heaven to me!
Much approval!
Wait, is there really a fence behind the boat, or did the artist add that for an extra twist of the knife?
I reread the article because it makes me smile inside. Sort of like my prairie in place of a lawn. (or a thriving habitat versus a green desert). I think I would like to see the fence/boat as the father of an artist, and can think of a number of RV murals that need to be painted.
A couple points;
1. Not a trouble maker? Right, I love it its something I would do.
2. Can’t stand the sight of boats? Maybe a city called seaside is not the place for you.
3. Have a neighbor with a boat? Make friends and have boat access situation without boat cashless situation.
It’s like an 18′ boat with no top. It’s not an awesome chill place to hang out with your crazy neighbor.
I’m not saying it doesn’t make sense to friend a boat owner (you want to be close enough to be invited on the boat, but not close enough that he calls you to help fix it), but it needs to be a better boat than the one in this guy’s driveway.
How the fuck does a city called Seaside not allow boats to be openly displayed?
I grew up on an island in the Puget Sound, one of the neighborhoods my mom lived in didn’t allow boats outside. On a freakin ISLAND.
Manhattan and Palm Beach are islands too.
The boats are kept in the water around the edges – not parked on Fifth Avenue or in the driveway to the Breakers.
Yeah ok, Whidbey Island is not Palm Beach or Manhattan.
Depends on the condition of the boat. A derelict boat looks as awful as a derelict car.
This boat looks pretty nice, so it might actually raise property values.
Yeah, I’ve seen some pretty ugly dilapidated boats that do border on being an eyesore. Not very interestingly, they are almost always of the small fiberglass motorboat variety.
That said, most such rules do need to go away because of misapplications like this perfect example.
Maybe a solution is running, insured, and legally licensed.
Yeah this was always what I was thinking. So long as you’ve done the paperwork, you should be able to keep it on your property. In my town, a boat or RV has to be parked behind the front edge of the house. Of course, they say the same thing about the garbage cans.
David Tracy would like to have a few words with you on that point.
As long as Torrey Michigan gets their money and the tires were inflated they were OK with it.
Median home value there is over $650k. Nobody’s impressed by his towable fishing boat.
“derelict car”
Where do I sign up? Is it for sale?
“Dennis:
I bet this thing won’t even start.
George LeBay:
She’ll start. [Holds up some keys] You’ll need these.
[Arnie and Dennis look out the open passenger door, at the old man standing near the car.]
Arnie:
How much do you want for her? Whatever it is, it’s not enough.
Christine is one of the greatest movies ever made!
Excellent job on the mural! I bet it cost a boatload of money to have it done. 😉
I was thinking a ship-ton of money.
I bet if they told us how much it cost we would Ship the Bed. ヽ(͡◕ ͜ʖ ͡◕)ﾉ
How much money do you think he sank into that mural? Probably enough to float a boat.
I bet the mural lasts longer than the boat.
Ship tonnage?
I was sinking the same! 😉
Clever counterstroke by human beings unwilling to be standardized.
Malicious compliance FTW.
Anecdotally the trashy neighbor across the street with the dirt front lawn the motley vehicle collection that included a box truck with a flat tire and the illegal garage conversion didn’t lower property values until they sold their house as a fixer upper $50k below the average price in the area. Prices have recovered per Zillow so it was a transient issue.
Yeah, it’s a rare case that actually has much effect on property values. People are usually looking at numbers, not neighbors. Crime rate, school graduation rates, tax rates, proximity to services, basically the measurable things.
I don’t think it’s generally a property value issue, but it can make the difference between selling or not. When I was looking for a house, I didn’t bother touring the one I pulled up to where the neighbor across the street had the sort of situation you’re describing. When there’s trash on the weeds and the beater with the flat tires and expired plates is parked half on the sidewalk, I can pretty much say without hesitation that I don’t want to be that person’s neighbor.
I love this SO MUCH!
Malicious compliance FTW!
I would’ve just put up a 2 inch tall fence.
I looked up the city code. The height is specified, so I think he did the only malicious compliance that would still meet the criteria.
If they didn’t specify the height of the fence, that would be great, though.