Welcome back! For our Wednesday edition of Shitbox Showdown, I’ve got a couple of little cars I just know you’re going to love… to make fun of and complain about. But are they really all that bad? Don’t answer that yet. All I ask is that you keep an open mind.
Yesterday we were traveling internationally to look at Ford pickups, and it seems that the Mazda-built European Ranger is the clear choice. I have to agree. It’s cooler looking, and it’s a 4×4, and it would be endless fun to take it to a car show here and enter it in the “Ford Truck” category.
Several of you also brought up the fact that compressed natural gas is not always easy to find, and called that a strike against the Brazilian Ranger, but I should have mentioned that, yes, a CNG conversion does not preclude the use of good old ordinary gasoline. It’s sort of a dual-fuel situation. But that Bulgarian diesel is definitely the choice here, anyway.
Alrighty then. One of the fun things about this job is finding nice things to say about cars everyone else considers absolute garbage. Personally, I don’t think there is such a thing; it takes so much time and money and commitment to bring a car to market that any car that actually ends up for sale is worthy of at least a little respect. No one sets out to design a crappy car, and whatever compromises end up in the finished product, it’s still an admirable feat.
With that in mind, I give you the finest Detroit had to offer in the mid-to-late 1980s to fight the onslaught of cheap imported cars from Japan, as well as new threats coming from Korea. Were they great cars? No, of course not. Were they good enough? That’s debatable. Did they sell? Boy howdy, did they. The total production of each was more than two and a half million – enough to earn them a place in automotive history. It also means you have a story about one of these or the other. Let’s check them out.
1985 Chevrolet Chevette CS – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: 1.6-liter overhead valve inline 4, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Bellefontaine, OH
Odometer reading: 62,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives great
In the ’70s, General Motors was striking out when it came to small cars. After the moon-shot Corvair ended up as an evolutionary dead end, the designers of the Vega took a more traditional path, following the tried-and-true “shrink a big car down” method of designing a compact car. They still screwed it up. But the global juggernaut had high hopes for its next small car, the T platform, introduced in 1976 as the Chevrolet Chevette. “It’ll drive you happy,” the ads said. It wasn’t an exciting car, but it didn’t eat head gaskets or disintegrate from rust like the Vega did, which was a vast improvement.
The Chevette is also pretty traditional, with a longitudinal pushrod four-cylinder engine driving a solid rear axle. Rear-wheel-drive small cars weren’t rare in 1976, but by 1985 when this one was built, they were getting scarce. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing; I can tell you from personal experience that RWD made a Chevette more fun in a snowy parking lot than any FWD car ever built.
This Chevette has only 62,000 miles on it, and the seller says it runs and drives great. It is, unfortunately, equipped with an automatic transmission, which does its acceleration no favors, I’m sure, but even a stickshift Chevette is pretty damn slow. But going slowly gives passers-by plenty of time to say, “holy crap, is that a Chevette?”
It’s clean, stock, and original except for a set of aftermarket alloy wheels, and seat covers that I would imagine are only there for protection. It’s the nicest Chevette I’ve seen in a while, but the price is steep; you have to really want a Chevette to pay this much for one.
1989 Plymouth Horizon – $2,900
Engine/drivetrain: 2.2-liter overhead cam inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Ocala, FL
Odometer reading: 154,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
Chrysler also turned to its overseas affiliates to develop a small car, and like GM, also completely reworked the design for America. Unlike GM, Chrysler chose to follow the trail blazed by Fiat and Volkswagen, and made the Horizon and Omni front-wheel-drive. Originally powered by a Volkswagen engine, and later a completely different Simca unit, eventually the Horizon and Omni had settled on Chrysler’s standard corporate 2.2 liter “K car” engine.
This late-production Horizon benefits from the changes and improvements made to the K engine over the years, most notably throttle-body fuel injection, a welcome improvement over the Holley two-barrel carburetor used by earlier models. This one is coupled to a three-speed A413 Torqueflite automatic, a nice reliable unit that somehow manages to suck all the enjoyment out of every vehicle in which it is installed. It was parked for several years, but the seller has done a lot of work to wake it up, and now reports that it runs and drives well.
Horizons and Omnis were not fancy cars, but they also didn’t feel as cheap as some other compacts. The seats are quite comfortable, and the ride is better than you’d expect. This one looks pretty good inside, but you have to drive it when the weather is just-so: the air conditioner doesn’t work, and neither does the heater. A new heater core is included, and if I remember right, it’s not terribly hard to get to on these. The A/C “needs a charge,” a phrase that may or may not be true. Hey, at least it has it.
It’s a little faded and sad-looking outside, but that’s been true of pretty much every remaining Horizon since about 1994. These were cheap cars, and often treated as disposable. The fact that it’s still on the road and hasn’t been crushed and recycled into a washing machine or a bridge girder is impressive.
I fully expect the comments to be full of anecdotes about someone’s brother or girlfriend or aunt who had one of these two cars, and how horrible it was. But that’s the thing – everyone has a story about these things. Cars don’t exist in a vacuum; we use them to go places and do things. So here is my challenge for you today: Choose the car you have a fond memory of – somewhere fun you went in one of them, someone you had a crush on who owned one, whatever – and tell that story in the comments, instead of just talking about how much they suck or how overpriced they may be. I can think of at least a couple of positive associations from my own past for each of these. I’m sure you have those stories too. Let’s hear ’em.
(Image credits: Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace sellers)
I voted for the Horizon even though I hate the Omni/Horizon. My vote is even more justified if it was built at the Kenosha Main Plant.
Conflicted on this one. I like both cars, fundamentally, but neither in this spec. A pre-’80 Chevette with a stick would be a winner to me. An Omni/Horizon with a 2.2L and a stick would be a winner also (or a GLH for a blowout victory). This one is hard. I’m going Horizon because an automatic Chevette is just terrible.
When I was a kid, our neighbors (a very nice family) had an orange Chevette.
A vulture vomited on it. We (the kids) found that hilarious and had a good laugh.
However, that memory does not justify the $5000 asking price for today’s contestant, so the Horizon wins.
This is eerily close to representing my first two cars. Subtract two doors and add a year, and you have my Chevette, right down to the exterior and interior colors. Subtract a year and switch it to gray inside and out, that’s my Horizon. These took me through my brief career as a reporter and courtship with my wife.
I was in the Chevette for the worst commute of my life, a typically 45-minute ride that ballooned to 8 hours in a snowstorm. The Horizon once took me down an aggressively unpaved track to get closer to a forest fire. It later got ever so lightly sandwiched between two 18-wheelers with my wife at the wheel.
Which to choose? Definitely the Horizon. The ergonomics were laughable, but superior in every other way.
Neither of these is a good option. If I had to choose, it would be the Horizon. My story is that my mom drove BOTH of these. She bought the Chevette to replace the Plymouth. It was not a step up. It was a cheap crappy car to replace a cheap crappy car. The Plymouth wasn’t great but the Chevy was terrible. In fact, the Chevy met its demise not too far from where this one is offered.
I voted the Chrysler. Because it’s cheaper.
I honestly wouldn’t pay that much for either car.
I wouldn’t want to daily these, nor pass to any kids to drive. They’re likely more than a death trap in a collision with anything on the road these days – with the average pickup truck or SUV being well positioned to bowl down those spindly A/B columns.
Gah, it just makes me hate the proliferation of high-riding vehicles on our roads even more.
Putting the price aside, which I always do when voting on the Showdown, I would choose the Chevette. I like the looks more and it seems to be in better shape (busted a/c and heater, yeah no thanks). Also, I would never not get a chuckle when telling the wife “I’m taking the Vette out for a spin”. She, on the other hand, would stop chuckling after about the 10th time.
I try to within reason, but when the Chevette is nearly double the price of the Horizon I take it into account. Chevette still wins, but not by a lot.
Horizon gets the nod here. A Horizon was the last car my father ever purchased (and only the second new car). This little buggy soldiered stolidly through an 80-mile round trip commute every day in Boston traffic and through New England winters with nary a hiccup. Seven years later, the Horizon was still motoring, but my old man had taken his last commute. He never saw 50, and most of the time, the Horizon didn’t either.
I voted for the Chevette simply because it is in fantastic shape and because I don’t have copious amounts of personal experience with one like I do the Horizon (most of which I’m not eager to repeat, and mine was a stick and not that awful automatic).
Having been in high school when both of these cars were options for my fellow classmates, I can say unequivocally that the Horizon is the better car, and being 1/2 the price it’s the clear choice here. In particular for a high schooler, the Horizon provides better room for ‘fun’ activities.
Ew ew ew! I don’t hate the Chevette, but I hate the price, but I can’t even pretend to respect the horizon. I would just want to watch it drive off into the horizon to never be seen again. I think this round goes to the Chevette even though that price is bonkers. The red interior does help make up for it a bit, but still. No chance my money is going anywhere near either of these!
White cars with maroon or bright red interiors just don’t work for me. Am I alone in this? It doesn’t work in the Chevette, and it definitely doesn’t work in Chrysler products like the LeBaron, which seemed to be the most common offender. I don’t think I’ve seen any car from the 70s or 80s with that combo that looks good. More modern white cars seem to go for a darker, less saturated burgundy color that I think looks better.
I hate white cars, but I feel the red makes it less awful.
That was one of the great parts about cars from the 80s – they actually had interesting interiors, and I liked all the shades of red interiors with white cars.
Oh, I like interiors with color. I think red works better keyed with another red tone, or even brown and dark blue. Black is too coffin-like but it can be pulled off in certain contexts. But for some reason these reds don’t work with white for me.
I have no memories of riding in either type of these two, thankfully! I went with the $2900 option. These cars were built back when you could still pick up a decent used GTO for a ham sandwich… and an affordable, bulletproof Toyota to drive in the winter.
In the 1980s I worked on the brethren of both of these cars. Argh.
My aunt had a Chevette, and so did my wife’s dad back in the day. My aunt’s didn’t have any stories, but apparently one time my FIL didn’t engage the parking brake properly and his Chevette rolled down a gas station parking lot hill while he went in the store to get some smokes. It only rolled into a fence and didn’t really damage anything. The end of that car was when he got into a front end accident and my wife’s seatbelt broke, sending her into the windshield. Thankfully not hurt somehow. Chevette is crap at any price. Gimme the Omni.
My first car was a ’79 Horizon I bought from a friend right before I graduated high school in 1985. Green with green “custom” tweed cloth upholstery, an automatic and those little turn signal repeaters on the tops of the fenders. Paid $1,750 for the car, which came with $17 in change I found in the ashtray.
But for the lack of a manual transmission, it was a perfect first car. Slow enough to keep me out of (too much) trouble, economical enough to fuel on grocery-store-cashier wages, and roomy enough to move all my stuff to college. Plus, my friend had installed a decent stereo in it, so I could crank General Public and Eurythmics to my heart’s content.
Six months after buying it, I slammed it into the back of an Action Line Chevy truck on an icy road in my home town. I was unhurt, but the car — and the truck — were totaled.
I have no beef with Chevettes — though the price suggests this one’s seller is delulu — but I will always have a soft spot for L-bodies. Horizon all the way.
Why not: “That Chevette did not run and drive great when it rolled out of the factory” My goodness what a survivor. I would not spend that but for $1000 either would be a fun beater/grocery getter.
We had a 1978 Dodge Omni for several years, it was base model with blue vinyl seats and an AM only radio, but it ran well and had ice cold air conditioning. My parents traded it in when they bought a brand new Dodge Grand Caravan. I saw that car around town for several years after. It was a great car for us.
Learned how to drive in a brown Horizon (1984, 3-speed auto, 2.2L). Drove it around for many years with very few problems. Had a friend who drove a Chevette and had to start it with a screwdriver because the key wore out. Good times.
FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS?!? For a CHEVETTE?!?!
If I ever spend five grand on a Chevette, you are all authorized to take me out back and beat me with a sock full of potatoes.
I can see a couple use cases for a 5 grand (or a lot more) Chevette: HS or HSR.
I was all set to share my story about how my parents brought me home from the hospital in a badge engineered Chevette, but it actually turns out that the Pontiac Sunbird had nothing to do with the Chevette at all.
It would be just like circa 1980 GM to build two completely unrelated subcompacts.
I guess I have no story relating to either of these cars today then.
The Sunbird was a larger car than the Chevette. Don’t know if you were ‘delivered’ in the older RWD version or the newer FWD version, but either was better than the Chevette.
The Chevette is overpriced by at least $2500, and the Horizon is a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up the buyers wallet.
But since I learned to drive stick on a Chevette, i will go with the Chevy, even though this one is an automatic.
Ha, the Chevette is overpriced by at least $4999.
The Chevette would be worth the premium IF those front seats were as clean as the rest of the interior. The presence of seat covers tells us they are not. Save your money ride off into the sunset with the Horizon. It’s a nice piece of history from when the Big 3 started to put a little effort into their economy cars instead of bitching about the disloyalty of Americans buying the much better imports.
My second car was a charcoal gray metallic 1989 Plymouth Horizon. I never had a mechanical problem with it. It was great in the snow with all-season tires and could seat two 6′ tall people in the back seat with decent head room – something you rarely find in a sub compact or compact car that used to exist up until recently. It was not fun to drive, but it was a practical little car.
They both suck but I’ll spend fewer of my fake internet dollars on the Horizon. And egads, $5k for a Chevette????
As to the assignment, I had a friend that I sort of crushed on while in high school and she ended up getting an Omni a few years later.
Sometimes over 10 times that…
https://cars.bonhams.com/_next/image.jpg?url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg1.bonhams.com%2Fimage%3Fsrc%3DImages%2Flive%2F2022-08%2F28%2F25247105-1-46.jpg%26left%3D0.033333333333%26right%3D0.923333333333&w=2400&q=75
I want the Horizon to troll my Volkswagen-loving friends. Lower it, put some weird old wheels on it. Add a roof rack and done.
The early ones actually had VW motors—possibly transmissions as well. I remember looking at a buddy’s broken shift linkage, sort of recognizing the end piece, and the piece off my Rabbit’s old 4-speed was an exact fit.
They did, but my understanding at the time was that they were not interchangeable. Swapping in a 16v from anything from a Spirit R/T or a SRT/4 would be something and keep things in the MOPAR family. But then again I’m weird like that.
I love the OEM++ ethos….but a VR6 would sound freakin amazing in there 😉
You’re not wrong, but I’d rather have one of those in a proper VW, not in a weird French/English/Detroit mutt.