Home » I Can’t Stop Staring At This Ford Mustang Mach-E Hearse

I Can’t Stop Staring At This Ford Mustang Mach-E Hearse

Etive Hearse Top
ADVERTISEMENT

I have never owned a hearse. I’m far too normcore to be that guy. I’m not even being judgmental. If you can pull off a hearse, you know, good for you. I’m as dark as a summer day in Greenland. I can pull off a Volvo wagon. I’m not sure I could pull off this Mustang Mach-E-based “Etive” hearse from the UK’s biggest hearsemaker, but I’d maybe give it a shot. This thing looks great.

Coleman Milne is a big deal when it comes to hearses in the United Kingdom, making more deceasedmobiles and limos than anyone else in the country. I know the UK is a small place, relatively speaking, but people have been dying there for thousands of years. Shakespeare died there!

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Etive Electric Hearse 2

And an electric hearse is a sensible idea. Not only do hearses drive slowly over prescribed routes that don’t require long ranges, they are also most often used in scenarios when being quiet and peaceful is generally considered a positive. (I know it’s hard to believe, but not everybody wants sick GT500 burnouts in the parking lot for a final sendoff.) A Mustang Mach-E is an affordable, attractive choice and making it longer somehow accentuates the crossover’s bodyline in a way I find pleasing to the eye.

This is designed in the British style of hearses, which has a gigantic aquarium-style “deck” in the back to show the casket off like it’s a Maisto model of a Shelby Cobra. They call it the “Etive,” which I took to be some sort of terrible portmanteau, but it’s actually a river in Scotland.

ADVERTISEMENT

“We have long championed the electric hearse at Coleman Milne,” said Graham Clow, National Sales Director at Coleman Milne, “and we’re proud to welcome the Etive hearse and limousine as the latest additions to our range. The excellent, longstanding relationship that we have with Ford enabled us to model the range on its Mach-E platform. The Mach-E is the perfect base for a comfortable, quiet and respectful hearse and limousine, while also providing funeral directors with all the benefits and innovations found in today’s electric vehicles.”

Those “benefits” include the usual fast charging you’d get with a modern EV, as well advanced driver-assistance systems like lane-keeping and collision warnings. Safety is important with a hearse so you avoid the ironic fate of dying in one.

I dropped this in slack this morning and our own Adrian Clarke, who is double qualified as a car designer and a goth immediately shat on it:

Screen Shot 2023 01 16 At 1.41.45 Pm

Screen Shot 2023 01 16 At 1.42.04 Pm

ADVERTISEMENT

I hope to never need a British hearse because that means I didn’t die as I intended: Having a heart attack while blasting down the Mulsanne Straight in a vintage Mazda 787 rotary in the Le Mans Classic. Who is right here? Boring dad or skinny goth?

Etive Electric Hearse

My favorite factoid from the company’s press release is that it’s going to undergo 40,000 miles of testing because that means someone’s gotta drive this thing around all day to validate it, presumably in the slow lane going 15 mph under the speed limit. They even included a very slow tracking shot of it driving through a cemetery so you get the idea.

Photos: Coleman Milne

Relatedbar

ADVERTISEMENT

GM Admits The Cadillac Lyriq EV Isn’t Where It Needs To Be Yet

An Electric Motorcycle Startup Is Making A 201 HP Burnout Machine With A Hubless Wheel

Blast Across The Desert In This Awesome Tesla-Powered Electric Class 10 Buggy

This ‘Robotic’ Electric Motorcycle Promises 134 HP And 249 Miles Of Range

Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on whatsapp
WhatsApp
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on linkedin
LinkedIn
Share on reddit
Reddit
Subscribe
Notify of
66 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Boxing Pistons
Boxing Pistons
1 year ago

As a hearse? Meh. I’m with Mr. Clarke, there. However, looking at this thing gives me other ideas. I think the Mach-E would look great stretched out as a wagon, or as a ute minus the rear doors (or a set of little half suicide doors in back).

Beached Wail
Beached Wail
1 year ago

The tree reflections in the top photo create some very unfortunate optical illusions. It looks like someone said “Hey, I need to convert this Mach-E to a hearse. Anyone have some spare poster board and Saran Wrap?”

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
1 year ago

Adrian is right, however no modern vehicle really looks good as a hearse.
The Ford Panther chassis was about the last one that looked decent as a hearse, and most of my feelings towards that are because it was around for so damned long. Maybe the Caddy hearse that carried Ronnie Ray-gun from Andrews was ok but barely (I was stationed there at the time, got a look at the hearse as it drove down Arnold Ave. Weird time in my life)

The Queen’s Jag hearse? Ugh.
Shinzo Abe’s landau-endowed Century? No.
Seen the Chrysler 300 based hearses? Looks like someone turned one into a Ute and then put a glass lid on the back.

None of ’em look good. Modern cars aren’t designed to be hearses.
Now, the ones that are based on crossovers? They seem to fit better. The Kingsley Hearse, based on the Caddy XT5? That works.

That being said, there’s a ’70s Caddy hearse in FULL-BROWN with a 500ci near me that has steadily been dropping his price in online ads. I’m slavering to get ahold of it and do evil bad things to it.

JDE
JDE
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr. Asa

I would say maybe a Suburban or Cadillac Escalade long wheel base works pretty good with minimal body modification required.

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
1 year ago
Reply to  JDE

Yeah, but there’s no real gravitas there. To my mind, at least.

Phyrkrakr
Phyrkrakr
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr. Asa

I always liked the looks of the Lincoln Town Cars when they were stretched out for hearses or limos. The front has the right stance/lines to be extended gracefully, in my opinion.

D.B. Platypus
D.B. Platypus
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr. Asa

The Lincoln MKT already looked like a hearse.

Justin Short
Justin Short
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr. Asa

Do it! Satan commands you!

Drew
Drew
1 year ago

Maybe an ID.4 would have lines that could better adapt to a hearse? But with the stretching and bodywork, I feel like they had the ability to make this better, they just chose not to. It’s like they wanted to be sure it was obvious it was a Mach-E hearse and not something purpose-built from the get-go.

Ben
Ben
1 year ago

Based on the fact that only Adrian called this out as hideous, I have to assume our subscription dollars are not going toward quality eyecare for the staff. 😛

Ben
Ben
1 year ago
Reply to  Ben

Although…that side view is making me kind of want someone to build a Mach-E ute. If you just chopped the whole hearse part and gave it an open bed, it _might_ work. I reserve the right to change my mind if/when someone actually does that though.

Dr. Frankenputz
Dr. Frankenputz
1 year ago

An electric hearse makes sense. The honored occupant of the vehicle is already arriving late, so it won’t matter if the driver has to charge for an hour or two along the way. I don’t know about this particular EV hearse, though. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a vehicle this ugly.

Cameron Showers
Cameron Showers
1 year ago

Fellow Goth dude here. Looks like a hearse out of a Pixar movie but it’s only designed purposefully so yeah. I’m more of a Toyota Century/Crown hearse guy or early 60s Cadillac hearse

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
1 year ago

What? Where’s the carriage lamps and faux landau bars? That’s how people know a hearse is a hearse, what’s the point of even building a hearse if you’re not going to bother giving it carriage lamps and faux landau bars?

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
1 year ago

So, when’s the Flower Car coming out?
Are they still even a thing?

PaysOutAllNight
PaysOutAllNight
1 year ago

I like it, but mostly because I like every unexpected hearse conversion.

If they could have paneled over the rear doors and glass, it would’ve been 100% better. And by doing that, they wouldn’t have needed to stretch the wheelbase quite as much.

Duke of Kent
Duke of Kent
1 year ago

The added bodywork to get the required height in the back looks pretty awkward over the rear side doors. As much as I like the looks of the big glass areas on the British-style hearses, I wonder if this would look better as an American-style with no windows in the back and a lower height. I’m trying to envision it that way, but the result in my mind keeps looking like a late-’90s Taurus.

I’m not sure the swoopy curves are conducive to a hearse or any lengthened vehicle really. It’s difficult to extend the existing curves to accomplish the design objectives, and any additions feel extra “tacked on” in situations like those.

Or maybe I’m just used to boxy Cadillac hearses, and this one only looks “wrong” because it’s different. Time will tell, I suppose, because there are fewer and fewer boxy-shaped cars on the market available for hearse conversions, so a transition to some level of swoopiness seems inevitable.

OrigamiSensei
OrigamiSensei
1 year ago

I am most definitely with the skinny goth here. The area over the forward windows is just awkward and I’m not too keen on the rear fender lines, either. Nothing about this works.

MegaVan
MegaVan
1 year ago

“And an electric hearse is a sensible idea. Not only do hearses drive slowly over prescribed routes that don’t require long ranges”

Hearses do have a tendency to undertake long journeys at times though when someone has to be transported to their grave site – and that’s a couple states over. I recognize this is about the UK – but it’s worth saying that not EVERY hearse can do with a short range.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
1 year ago
Reply to  MegaVan

Or when you need to pick up a body at the county morgue, which could be in the county seat 100 mile round trip away, or at the closest large airport, or whatever. But, a lot of funeral homes seem to use standard minivans or SUVs for more utilitarian transport purposes and just save the hearse for the ceremony

Beached Wail
Beached Wail
1 year ago
Reply to  MegaVan

That would require the upcoming Extra-Performance Long Range version, tentatively called the XPL-ETIVE.

Dsa Lkjh
Dsa Lkjh
1 year ago
Reply to  MegaVan

An old lady died in the UK last year and the hearse had a 500 mile one way trip.

The whole thing was televised live in the UK, might even have made the news in the US.

...getstoneyII
...getstoneyII
1 year ago

Nice to see Xhibit got a “Pimp My Ride” reboot to happen. I’m excited for the final reveal when the aquarium part is finished.

Frankencamry
Frankencamry
1 year ago

Eww. If my family put my carcass in something that ugly I would make it a point to haunt them.

I don’t even believe in ghosts, but if they put me in that abomination of an insult to funerary vehicles, I will find a way.

Marlin May
Marlin May
1 year ago

When compared to Harold’s E-Type hearse – https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HIdKsf8di6M/UryuV17TH8I/AAAAAAAAVHU/WCBPYZbgO08/s1600/Harold+and+Maude+(1971)+Jaguar+XKE+Hearse.jpg – the “Etive” is dead on arrival.

Citrus
Citrus
1 year ago

Adrian is correct, none of the lines look right, and the fastback window line and Mustang details are having a massive fight with the upright hearse bits.

Not sure what the best choice would be for a hears-ev, but it ain’t this.

Tim Cougar
Tim Cougar
1 year ago
Reply to  Citrus

Face it, a Cadillac Lyriq hearse is an inevitability.

Citrus
Citrus
1 year ago
Reply to  Tim Cougar

Actually, you know, it probably wouldn’t be hard to pull that off. It’s already angular and the weird rear 3/4 view is pretty easily adapted to American style.

Boulevard_Yachtsman
Boulevard_Yachtsman
1 year ago
Reply to  Tim Cougar

I would like to see a Cadillac Celestiq Hearse. The interior would ideally be done in a custom merlot/blood-red velour.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago

I don’t drink……wine.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
1 year ago
Reply to  Citrus

While I agree with Tim Cougar’s inevitable Lyric hearse, I think a Polestar 2 with the casket extension carrying on the straight-edge, Scandinavian-minimalist design motif would work.

Also, I think your EV hearse question deserves a design challenge to Adrian and/or the Bishop.

Andrew Bugenis
Andrew Bugenis
1 year ago
Reply to  Citrus

Anything Polestar feels like it’d be a natural.

Outofstep
Outofstep
1 year ago

I’m siding with the skinny goth who is a designer.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Outofstep

It’d better not be another skinny goth designer…….

Paul Brogger
Paul Brogger
1 year ago

There is probably no way to gracefully meld the declining former-fastback roof line with the terminal transport van-butt.
Looks about as natural as Airbus’ “Beluga” cargo plane. (I.e: not much.)

Bobfish
Bobfish
1 year ago

There’s no way I messed up my monkey’s paw wish for a new Holden Sandman, right? *visits Autopian*

10001010
10001010
1 year ago

That part where the conversion van fiberglass roof stapled to the back of this thing doesn’t quite line up with the rear door/window just looks awkward to me.

NewBalanceExtraWide
NewBalanceExtraWide
1 year ago
Reply to  10001010

That, too… Is it an air scoop to ventilate embalming fluid smells out of the back? It’s all just awkward looking.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
1 year ago

The scoopy bit needs to be accentuated more, all the way down the rear door cutline, down to the rocker panel. Then the original parts of the Mach-E need to be in Grabber Blue, leaving all the new hearsy bits in black. Then behold the all-new Ford Chiron Afterlife Edition!

NewBalanceExtraWide
NewBalanceExtraWide
1 year ago

Goth dirty talk probably involves a lot of mentions of hearsy bits.

Chris Stevenson
Chris Stevenson
1 year ago

“Harold and Maud-E” *chef’s kiss*

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
1 year ago

I’m surprised it didn’t make David cream his pants. But I personally think it looks great! I’d definitely be seen dead in it.

NewBalanceExtraWide
NewBalanceExtraWide
1 year ago

The tacked on top/back makes me think of the growths that show up on Dr. Pimple Popper. I’m with the skinny goth, this does not look right.

V10omous
V10omous
1 year ago

All you people who said Ford would make an electric crossover Mustang “over your dead body”, your ride has arrived.

Boxing Pistons
Boxing Pistons
1 year ago
Reply to  V10omous

COTD

66
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x