Happy Friday, Autopians! In my never-ending quest to find new and exciting ways to entertain you all on Fridays, we’re trying something different. Four cars, but you get to keep three of them. So listen closely, as they say, because our options have changed. But first, of course, we need our fourth contender:
Ah. Hm. Can’t say I agree with you all there; not only can I not stand those fake convertible tops, but no matter how much the chatbot insists the Northstar runs well, I don’t quite trust it. I’d take the ’91, given my choice… but I’ll take the Agent Orange CD too.
So now that we have our quartet of contenders, here’s how we’re going to do things today. Despite what some writers here seem to think, the correct number of cars to own is, in fact, three. Any more than that and it gets too easy to neglect some, not to mention the insurance, registration, and parking headaches; fewer than that, and you have trouble covering all use cases. Three shall be the counting of the cars, and the number of the cars shall be three. Which means that one of these has to go. So we’re going to review all the choices, and then you’re going to vote for the one you want to get rid of. Sound like fun? Cool; let’s get started.
1987 Plymouth Turismo Duster
Pros: Remarkably good shape for a “disposable” economy car, lots of “Oh wow I haven’t seen one of those in years” comments
Cons: Boring to drive with an automatic, doesn’t actually run at the moment
This little Duster surprised me. The Fiat 128 it was up against was really rough, but if it were fixed up (if it could be fixed up), it would be a far more interesting car than a two-door L-body. And this is coming from someone who is a fan of two-door L-bodies. But since the Fiat lost, this is what we have to work with. And it could be a neat little classic runabout, with a little work. And since cars of this era are basically just big Erector sets, you could swap in a manual transmission and a more exciting powerplant without a whole lot of trouble.
It could use a paint job, but at least you know the interior is up to snuff. Hell, if you didn’t care too much about performance, you could even just get the 2.2 going again, carefully seal up any leaks, and putter around with it as-is. You’d still be a hit at any Cars & Coffee. And you’d be perfectly safe flooring it when you leave. Go ahead; just try to chirp those skinny little tires.
1998 Dodge Dakota 4×4
Pros: V8 power, decent condition, truck usefulness
Cons: V8 fuel consumption, has an awful lot of miles
A good truck is a wonderful thing. You can haul stuff, tow stuff, bomb around in the woods, refuse to lend it to friends, all sorts of things. And this appears to be a very good truck, especially for the price. Yeah, it has a lot of miles on it, but it’s full of the good stuff: a 5.2 liter V8, a tried-and-true overdrive automatic, and four wheel drive.
A truck, especially a beat-up old one, isn’t necessarily the best choice of daily drivers (trust me on this), but as an extra vehicle to keep around, it can’t be beat. The gas mileage will depress you, but if you aren’t filling it up all the time, who cares?
1965 Volvo 122S
Pros: Reliable and durable, hipster cred
Cons: Not exactly exciting to drive
Americans are generally crazy about Swedish stuff. ABBA. IKEA. Chef. And also their cars. Saabs have never lost a Showdown, and I haven’t exactly been keeping track, but I don’t think Volvos have either. And if a dowdy 240 or 850 is a shoe-in to beat any other cars, this 122 Amazon almost couldn’t lose. Its ultra-durable drivetrain, cool ponton styling, and comfy interior all add up to a very cool classic.
You won’t mistake it for a sports car, but it is a four-speed stick at least. And since Volvo was a pioneer in automotive safety, unlike most 1965 model year cars, the 122 has shoulder harnesses and crumple zones and dual-circuit brakes, so you can actually drive it in modern traffic without being scared half to death.
“2000” (but probably really a ’99) Cadillac DeVille
Pros: Comfy, powerful, low mileage
Cons: Northstar issues, potentially sketchy seller
Speaking of comfy interiors, almost nobody does them better than old-school Cadillac. Soft leather seats that you sink into, floating-on-a-cloud ride, and enough soundproofing to drown out a Van Halen concert all make for a sensory-deprivation tank on wheels. They’re also dirt-cheap used, as evidenced by both of yesterday’s contenders. You could do a lot worse for a nice serene ride to work.
This particular Caddy does have a few red flags: as pointed out in the comments, this probably isn’t a model year 2000; this style’s run ended in 1999. The ad written by a chatbot is a bit suspect as well, as is the one mismatched tire. Then there is the elephant in the room, or rather the Northstar under the hood. These got better as time went on, but even the later ones are not without their problems.
Now then: You have a three-car garage, and four cars to choose from. Something has to go. So which one gets the axe? And why? Vote, discuss, debate. And have a good weekend!
(Image credits: Craigslist and Facebook sellers)
That particular DeVille scares me. The Duster could be made into a neat little sleeper, the Amazon’s a great car for an ice cream run, and the Dakota’s just a useful right-sized truck.
If the Caddy had new tires and ad copy written by a human honestly describing its condition and history, it’d be the strongest daily-driver/road-trip contender, but for now the truck’ll have to do.
That duster could be turned into a badass small tyre no prep car
The only one I really would want is the Volvo.
I like those DeVilles, but I absolutely hate fake convertible tops.
The Dakota is meh.
But the Plymouth isn’t in running condition, so I’ll get rid of it.
There aren’t many cars I’d vote out faster than that duster, but the caddy (really, any caddy) is sure one of them
And what a 3 car garage it would be.
“Which car should we take?”
“Whichever’s fastest!”
“Umm….”
That Caddy is a WITCH! A witch I say! Some say it carries the spirits of those who were old before death. Just look at the top of it? A witch I say. But first we must weigh this monstrosity on the scales of justice. Burn her, or let’s see if it floats!
Justice back then was a cool concept. Unlike these days.
3 vehicles you say? Ok, my garage is Dakota, Duster, and Volvo. The Dakota would be a fine daily, and one my best friend daily’ed for years. They’re good trucks, not great, but good. The Duster I couldnt say no to, simply because I have an ironic love for Chryslers from this era. 2.2 turbo swap with a manual and it would be a fun little shitbox. The Volvo would round out my garage and it’s totally not a car I’d own or want to own, but it’s better than the Caddy.
Can I take three of the losers? Like others have said, they would make a more interesting garage. On second thought, this is just a tough pill to swallow. As one living where garage and driveway space are scarce, most of these aren’t worth it.
NUKE THE DUSTER!
SAVE THE DUSTER!
The Volvo and the Dakota are the obvious keepers in this bunch, so which do I hate less–the non-running and otherwise tepid Plymouth from the tail end of the Reagan years, or a barge bearing red flags and an ad that’s sketchier than its crusty and mottled fake top. Neither one of them is a keeper, but my gut instinct is that though the Caddy is the obvious keeper in terms of usability dealing with seller probably isn’t worth the hassle. The Duster could be an interesting project car, and since the Volvo and the Dakota both run the Caddy is redundant.
Yeah, I’m with you. Do we HAVE to take all three?
Which of the other turds would be worth the most (or easiest) to part out? That could be the determining factor.
The Duster has to go. I’m not a huge Northstar fan, but I’ve been there, done that with the 80s Mopars and the 2.2L. The Dakota and Volvo are worth keeping around for utility and novelty, so I guess the Caddy can pull daily duty.
I’m with you, been there done that, not doing it again.
Really surprised the newer Caddy won. The sketchy ad coupled with the negative sentiment towards anything Northstar around here should have clinched it in my mind. It must have been all those fraudulent mail-in votes!
I voted the Duster out, but immediately regretted it. I wasn’t giving the Dakota a fair shake as a daily. I used to daily drive a ‘99 Silverado, and it was perfectly comfortable. Assuming a short commute: Daily the truck, build a sleeper out if the Duster, and keep the Volvo as original as possible.
In contrast, I briefly toyed with the notion of making my ‘94 F150 my daily when I sold my Jetta TDI back due to Dieselgate. I tried it for a couple weeks and hated it. The steering on those old Fords is vague as hell (my wife refuses to drive it) and that bench seat was like sitting on a park bench. Wind noise is bad as well. The terrible mileage was icing in the crap cake. I quickly went out and found a low mileage 1st gen TSX, and never looked back. I still own the Ford and love it, but just for doing truck things.
Sorry Duster, but you gotta go. The Dakota will do your truck stuff and can step in as a daily when needed. The Volvo exudes coolness. The DeVille is comfortable and relatively modern, and if you get sick or if you can probably get your money back by selling it to someone who distributes recreational substances.
I voted this way too…the Caddy interior is so nice!
I’m going sporty, well almost, truck, and daily the Volvo. I have no use for the Cadillac. Not my style and I don’t want to be anywhere near that top.
Time to dust away the Duster. It’s not running and while rare it isn’t particularly interesting (to me). Volvo since it’s probably still safer in a crash and is definitely not something seen everyday. Dakota since it’s a truck that I wouldn’t mind getting dirty doing truck stuff. And Caddy since I’m a sucker for GM stuff.
You can store 4 cars in a 3 car garage with a 4 post car lift.
Problem solved.
but ditch the duster
Or 4 cars in a 2 car garage with 2 4-post car lifts
Or 6 cars in a 3 car garage with 3 4-post lifts…
Damn you anglophobes for voting against the TR7!!! We could have had a perfectly cromulent sports car in our imaginary garage, buuuutttt nooooOOOOOoooooo! You were afraid of a little electrical gremlin, and a little fuel leak issue, and a little oil leak issue, and a propensity to rust, a smidgeon of a chance to spontaneously combust, a….
Yeah… I still don’t know why I didn’t go TR7. It was definitely the better option and I convinced myself of that only moments after clicking the Volvo button.
Gimme the Dodge and the Volvo. I can leave either of the others. I voted the Caddy out, but either one is fine.
I voted for the Duster.
Too bad the dalmatians never made a special version of the Cadillac called Cruella De Ville 😛
Four is right out!
And fourth is the Duster. Not running and not exciting when it is.
I voted the Duster off the island. I would take three halfway running cars to that one.
The Cadillac with the janky “carriage” roof is way more sus than a non-running L-body. It gotta go.
I say “Bye-bye Dakota.” Since I don’t need a pickup, and the thing guzzles gas like there’s no tomorrow, it’s an easy choice to be put out to pasture.
Of course I’d save garage space for the Fiat 128 by brooming the Duster, too. And the Cad looks big enough to occupy two spaces all by itself.
Just like the other day, I have the warm & fuzzies for the Volvo. It could be made considerably less boring to drive — not that it’s all that dull as-is, IMO — with a quick jaunt through the IPD catalog.