Minnesota Land Barges: 1975 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham vs 1978 Lincoln Continental Town Car

Welcome back to Shitbox Showdown! Today, we’re sailing the high seas of Minneapolis/Saint Paul in a pair of gigantic ’70s sedans. But before we leave port in those, let’s settle up with yesterday’s New York convertibles:

Comfortable win for the basic Mustang from Brooklyn. I agree; I’m a VW/Audi fan from way back, but basically anything after the late ’80s scares me. And I’m one of those weirdos who actually kinda likes the New Edge Mustang.

In the late 1970s, downsizing was the word of the day. General Motors shrunk their full-size cars in 1977; Ford and Chrysler followed suit in 1979. It’s been years since most of the pre-downsizing cars disappeared from the roads, and it’s easy to forget just how big they were: the Cadillac featured here is four inches longer than a new Ram Quad Cab pickup, and the same width. It’s a big-ass car. And the Lincoln isn’t any smaller. The engines are equally huge – between them, these cars have almost a thousand cubic inches of displacement. Not much horsepower to speak of, though; it was the ’70s, after all. But either one will float serenely down the interstate at 70 MPH, sucking down regular unleaded like a fraternity bro at a Friday night kegger, making you forget there’s any pavement under you at all. If you’ve never experienced one of these monsters, it’s a treat, a ride unlike anything you can get in a car made in the last forty years or so. Let’s see which good ship you’d rather set sail in.

1975 Cadillac Fleetwood Sixty Special Brougham – $5,000

Engine/drivetrain: 500 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Saint Cloud, MN

Odometer reading: 67,000 miles

Runs/drives? You betcha!

A big long ostentatious car needs a big long ostentatious name. Cadillac’s model distinctions in the mid-1970s are a little hard to keep straight, but as far as I can tell, this car’s full name is the Fleetwood Sixty Special Brougham, and there may or may not be a d’Elegance tacked onto the end there. Whatever you want to call it, it’s two hundred and thirty-three point seven inches of the very finest Detroit had to offer during the Ford administration. This was no Sedan DeVille; the Sixty Special was a limited-production model, made only for big shots (and limo companies).

As befitting such an imposing car, it’s powered by the granddaddy of all Caddy engines, a 500 cubic inch beast that made – are you ready for this? – 190 net horsepower. Whatever; if you’re important enough, they’ll wait, right? This giant V8 runs great, according to the seller, and its big Rochester four-barrel carb has been converted to a manual choke, something I’ve done to a couple of Quadrajets myself in my day. It’s an extra step, but it makes cold starts so much more reliable. The seller says the car is completely roadworthy, and has taken a few out-of-state trips.

I think it might actually be against the law to paint a Cadillac of this style any color besides black. This one would have been originally fitted with a black vinyl roof too, but this one has had the vinyl removed and the roof coated in truck bedliner. It looks pretty close to vinyl, and it’s probably more rust-resistant. The missing rear wheel skirts are kind of a letdown, but the black steelies and beauty rings make up for it. The seller does include the original wheel covers if you’d prefer.

Inside, it’s basically a conversation pit with a steering column. The extra length of this car over the DeVille all goes into rear seat room; this was originally a car in which you were driven, not a car you drove. This might be the one car in which none of your friends would call shotgun.

1978 Lincoln Continental Town Car – $4,000

Engine/drivetrain: 460 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Champlin, MN

Odometer reading: 106,000 miles

Runs/drives? Yeppers!

Looking for something a little less sinister? A little more, I don’t know, yellow? Here you go. Lincoln’s Town Car was part of the Continental line until 1979, when the next-size-smaller model was introduced. Maybe they renamed it because it was only as big as a town, not an entire continent like this one. This car checks almost every box in Seventies Lincoln Bingo: oval-shaped opera windows, a big waterfall grille topped with a crosshair hood ornament, and of course, covered headlights.

Ford’s massive 460 cubic inch big-block V8 propels this big slab of Americana down the road though a simple, sturdy C6 automatic transmission. Like the Caddy, it’s woefully underpowered for its size and weight, but performance is hardly the point with cars like these. This one runs and drives well, but it has sat for several months, so it could probably use a little exercise and some fresh fuel. Lots and lots of fresh fuel – these things get about twelve miles to the gallon.

The seller includes only two photos of the exterior, and eight of the interior. To be fair, the interior is the star of the show here. It’s in gorgeous shape, and absolutely nobody today would paint a luxury car pale yellow, much less equip it with a russet-red interior. It looks comfy and inviting, and oh so very seventies.

This car does have a bit more rust showing than the Cadillac does, but neither one of these is ever going to be a show car anyway, so it’s best to just let it be. The seller included a few underside photos, and they don’t look too bad, especially for Minnesota.

Big soft cars like this are no more, and we won’t see the likes of them again. But then, an argument could be made that modern technology could make an amazing land yacht: Smooth electric power, electronic stability control to tame the wallow, and a little extra battery weight is no big deal if you’re already clocking in at two and a half tons. Opera windows optional, of course. In the meantime, we have these two gas-guzzlers. Which one would you dry-dock?

(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)