One Last Ride: 1995 Cadillac Fleetwood vs 2005 Cadillac Deville

Good morning! Since it’s coming up on Halloween, I just had to do another round of hearses, didn’t I? Today we’re looking at one freshly-retired hearse, and one that’s already been converted into sort of a party bus. And they both have a scary surprise or two of their own.

Yesterday we looked at some frightening convertibles from the great state of Maine. I thought for sure the BMW was going to sail home with this one, but apparently the one-two punch of a check engine light and an automatic transmission was too much for a lot of you. Conversely, it sounds like some of you reluctantly chose the Z3 for fear of not fitting in the MG.

In the end, the Midget won, narrowly, and that’s probably the only scenario in which an MG Midget is going to beat a BMW. Being the British sports car fan that I am, you can all probably guess my choice. But man, that chin spoiler has got to go.

Now then: It takes a special sort of person to want a used hearse. It’s not like an old cop car or public works truck; a hearse has had dead people in it, probably hundreds of them, and that freaks some people out. But on the other hand, the mileage that a hearse accumulates is a lot gentler than the mileage a cop car sees, so a hearse is less likely to be worn out mechanically. Plus, you can fit lots of stuff in it, if you need to. And in a pinch, if you turn the headlights on and have a bunch of friends follow you with their lights on as well, everyone will yield to you and you don’t have to stop for traffic lights. (Don’t do that.)

I was also surprised to find out how cheap used hearses can be. I found quite a few in the $6,000 range, which isn’t bad at all for a low-mileage, loaded, top-of-the-line Cadillac that just happens to also be a station wagon. These were my favorites; let’s check them out.

1995 Cadillac Fleetwood S&S Hearse – $5,500

Engine/drivetrain: 5.7-liter overhead valve V8, four-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Littleton, MA

Odometer reading: 83,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

The “Fleetwood” name in Cadillac’s lineup bounced around between platforms a few times. First there was the Peter Green era, then Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham came onto the scene, and – no, wait, I’m thinking of something else. This Fleetwood is the last of GM’s full-sized body-on-frame car platforms, along with the legendary Chevy Impala SS and Buick Roadmaster.

Power for this big beast comes from a 350 cubic inch LT-1 V8, often referred to as a “Corvette engine,” but that’s not quite the case. This version isn’t quite as powerful as the Corvette version, but it’s still no slouch. Not that a hearse needs a ton of power or speed, of course, but it’s nice to know it’s there for this car’s “afterlife,” as it were. The seller says everything works including the air conditioning, and it has had recent work on the brakes, cooling system, and exhaust.

Inside, it has been de-hearsed a bit; the tray has been taken out, and seats from a GMC minivan have been added, along with a fancy rug, giving it a custom van vibe. The front passenger area is still original, and looks nice. And of course, it has all the luxury goodies you’d expect to find in a Cadillac from 1995.

Unfortunately, it’s a northeast car, and it has the rust to show it. It isn’t bad yet, but there are bubbles appearing around the bottom edge of the vinyl roof, and a few underside photos show even more rust. Not scary, exactly, but there’s definitely a sense of impending doom.

2005 Cadillac Deville Federal Hearse – $6,500

Engine/drivetrain: 4.6-liter dual overhead cam V8, four-speed automatic, FWD

Location: Milwaukee, WI

Odometer reading: 105,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

Fasr-forward a decade, and the Fleetwood was gone, replaced by the Deville, which was front-wheel-drive with unibody construction, which must have taken some adjustment on the part of the coachbuilders that make hearses. The Deville’s aerodynamic body style doesn’t lend itself too well to a traditional formal hearse shape, either. And I find it funny that hearses are the last holdout of the padded vinyl roof; I wonder if it’s just because it makes it easy to hide the cuts and welds.

But if you want to see something really scary, look under the hood, where lurks one of the more infamous beasts in General Motors’s history: the Northstar V8. This being a 2005 model, it should have fewer issues than the earlier models, but it’s still a pain to work on. This one has 105,000 miles on it, which seems high for a hearse; I wonder if this car belonged to a funeral home out in the country, where it had to cover more miles?

This car was just retired from funeral duty, and it still has all the associated “gear” intact. It’s in excellent shape, it looks like, so I’m not sure why it’s being sold off. It’s not like hearses go out of style, is it? Maybe just because it’s coming up on twenty years old. Still looks practically like new inside, though.

It’s clean and rust-free outside, and it has some of the longest damn landau bars I’ve ever seen. I got curious about why hearses always have landau bars; as far as I can tell, they have them because they’ve always had them. No other reason. This shape used to be an external part of the structure of a folding roof, but now hearse manufacturers just stick them on out of tradition.

As I said, it takes a certain disposition to drive an old hearse. They’re popular with goths, but, like, campy goths. You have to be able to take it a little bit lightly. You also have to be willing to put up with lousy gas mileage and have some next-level parallel parking skills. It occurs to me that an old hearse would also make a great band van, for the right kind of band. Or, hell, just ignore its roots and use it as a Suburban alternative, and let ’em stare. However you choose to use it, which one of these are you taking?

(Image credits: sellers)