I feel like I’ve talked a lot about typography this week but it’s an important thing, and if you don’t believe me, then just look up there at that old 1949 Hillman Minx ad. Sure, a light-touch gearshift is a great thing! If it works with the mere action of a fingertip, that’s fantastic, so why not tout it? Why not come up with an alliterative name that conveys the very idea of this easy finger-actuation! With word that implies a cavalier, easy finger motion – flick! Finger-Flick! It’s perfect, right? Well, maybe. Until you write it in all caps, in which case I think even the Pope himself is just going to read that as FINGER FUCK and giggle, into his vestments.
Here’s the full page:
That Opticurve windshield sounds kinda hot, too.
The Minx was a funny dowdy little car; this look was new for 1949 and was fairly up-to-date with enclosed-fender pontoon styling – in fact, it’s a Raymond Loewy design! These were popular little economy cars, and made all of 37 hp from their 1265cc engines, so I don’t think you’d have trouble seeing one because of them whizzing by too fast.
But did no one look at this ad from, like five feet away? Did these places not routinely pull in like a dozen 13 year-old boys to review things and see what made them giggle? Is that not a common practice in the industry? It should be.
Because if there’s a human alive who doesn’t look at this ad and stifle a giggle at Finger-Fuck Gearshift, I haven’t met them. And maybe I don’t want to.
I had the pleasure of visiting Fiji some years back. In November, the Christmas decorations hit the stores–of which there are several on every block of every town, and quite a few in between. Fiji speaks BBC English, among other languages, so what we’d call “Christmas lights” are “Flicking lights”.
Keeping a straight face while walking down a street lined with signs announcing that “WE HAVE YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS!” and “FUCKING LIGHTS ARE HERE!” wasn’t easy.
Of course, trying to keep a straight face in a country where everyone sounds like a Monty Python player wasn’t that easy, either.
I think it was supposed to be fuckering lights.
Nope. For reasons beyond my ken, it’s Flicking Lights. I have a picture somewhere….
You’re thinking of Fuckering Heights, the romantic novel by Kate Bush.
Brilliant story. And now for something completely different…
I was actually asked by a vendor “What, you don;t want to ‘aggle?” That really capped off the Monty Python feel.
If you ever have the chance, BTW, visit Fiji. Beautiful islands, wonderful people–even if they do sound like MPPs.
Oh man I love the South Pacific islands. Fiji was my most recent, but I spent a significant amount of time in French Polynesia, Cook Islands, and Tonga as a kid. Probably my favorite part of the world
When I was a kid, I always giggled at the end credits of “Barney Miller” who had a producer named Theodore Flicker. They used an all-caps handwritten font, and yep. Same thing.
So what I’m seeing is that this car can’t get you all the way home. It always stops at third base.
The solution is proper KERNING! USE IT!
Keming!
This guy gets it!
Favorite poorly kerned sign: note taped to a credit card terminal at the supermarket checkout (the kind with a wired stylus for a digitized signature): PENIS BROKEN. USE FINGER.
“Massage The rapist”?
Someone should burn that business to the ground.
Is that traffic cop demonstrating how to FINGER FLICK?
If one believes the FLICKS in all caps was an intentional double entendre, which I do, the rest of the ad copy contains other naughty references. I envision it was a boring day at the ad agency Biggles & Broadstreet, and the copywriters wanted to see how far they could go before being called out for their randy references.
Many years ago, a previous priest at our church did a nice movie night thing for parents and kids to come watch a movie in the fellowship center. He came up with a logo with a bold, all caps, block letter font and called it “FRIDAY FLICKS WITH FATHER“. It looked fine when it was large, but sometimes they shrunk it down in the church bulletin, making it look really, really bad. I think quite a few people noticed it, but no-one really brought it up and it ran that way for years. Years! And now I’m probably going to hell for mentioning it and for previously laughing to myself every time I saw it.
Should have tried Finger Shag shifter?
You should always wear your optigrab glasses when driving with an opticurve windshield.
(the innovation that earned Steve Martin’s character his first fortune in ‘The Jerk’)
Just like the tie rods on a ’72 Buick!
Buy one of these and you’ll finger FLICK all the way to the top…gear.
this, and the comments.. best yet
I have to believe someone did that intentionally.
It’s like naming a restaurant “Phở Q”.
Somebody noticed it and giggled before not putting a stop to it.
We have a restaurant near here named, “Phở King”. And of course they advertise Phở King Good food! And it meets the advertising.
There’s a “Phở Kim” and a “Phở Quỳnhin” where I live.
We have a Phở King as well. It’s not my favorite Phở, but it is passable. They definitely enjoy the advertising from it.
Just like how I buy my furniture at Sofa King… Their prices are Sofa King low!
We has a Phở King nearby for a while too. There’s a long standing place in town called the King’s Noodle. I think it only exists to bring out the adolescent in me.
Keene NH?
Auburn California
There’s a bar down the road from me called “Dick’s Halfway Inn”.
You mean like that furniture shop called Sofa King, and their slogan, “Our Prices Are Sofa King Low!”?
I read it as “finger flick gearshift ” and thought its perfect for tailgaters.
In eighth grade I was actually suspended from my absurd religious school for writing FLICK in my all-caps comic-strip style in a poem about what a mean girl did with her boogers. Somehow they figured that “pick” and “f*ck” would have made sense in a rhyme. I had never used the F word in my life but would spitefully make it a regular habit after that. F*CK F*CK F*CK lol.
I got in trouble for telling my teacher to suck a rock! I think she had a hearing disability.
It is very apropos that this is an ad for a Minx.
If Ford hadn’t trademarked Cougar…
Never verified it personally, but I always heard that the word FLICK was banned by the old comics code for exactly this reason.
So, did some of Rootes Group’s ad people go to work for Disney later, or was it the other way around?
As a “gentleman” in his 50’s, I don’t think they needed 13 year olds to look at the poster. If that poster was created by a man, and back then it was, it doesn’t matter how old he was at the time, he purposefully put “FLICK”.
Ages ago I did a similar double-take with a video store poster for one of Mr. Eastwood’s movies: it said CLINT.
I wonder if you could rent it at the MEGAFLICKS video store?
Those tapes are in the back.
“Everybody’s hugging!” – Ralph Wiggum
*in my best Ralph Wiggum voice*
*responding to my mother’s question about what I learned about in school today*
A frican elephant.
ya, a dozen years ago i left a handwritten note for one of my engineers to come to staff meeting, supplier flew into a rage when she saw my note addressed to CLINT…
Reminds me of this: https://imgur.com/UnV2hmd
I used to work as a video editor at a TV network in NZ and there was a sportscaster named Clint who was a PITA to work with in the edit suite. No surprise that he was known as CLINT around the place…
Well they’re not gonna FLICK themselves!
they can, if they go to the self-service portal at GOFLICKYOURSELF.com
Since we’re going down this path… what the hell is the cop signaling??
I believe he is demonstrating the difference between stink and pink.
“Check out my new hand!”
I pledge allegiance to the flag…
He’s telling one car [out of frame] to stop while he directs the saucy Minx to go through.
Dead ball I think?
He’s in the process of touching the tip of his thumb to the tip of his pointer finger on his left hand to simulate a hole which he will then stick the outstretched finger on his right hand into, obviously.
Now I want to “FLICK MY BIC”
SMH, TGIF.
Not only I’m uncultured enough to giggle at it, now I’m wondering how the hell a Finger Fuck ™ gear shift pattern would work!
The gear number is selected by using the coresponding number of fingers.
The smaller hole below is for reverse.
Sorry.
I guess it depends on if your car is a boy or a girl.
That useless GM button shifter?
https://cdn.motor1.com/images/mgl/78M1W/s1/2018-gmc-terrain-shifter.jpg
You gotta shift it into reverse before going into a different forward gear.
Well, it’s pretty sloppy and you spend a lot of time hunting for the right spot, I can tell you that.
Well, if you think of the shifter as the finger, there are videos on the internet that will demonstrate it for you, uhh, or so I have been told.
Oh, I’ll look into that (for research purposes for a friend)
This is quality automotive journalism, Torch. Never change.