Okay, just hear me out here: I was thinking about berets the other day. You know, that traditionally French hat that’s shaped like a jelly donut someone sat on? I was thinking about them because, in the Headwear Cinematic Universe, berets have a really extraordinary range of associations. At one extreme, they’re the headgear of choice for mimes, one of the most reviled and mocked sub-classes of humanity, and on the other extreme they’re the hats of elite military units all over the world; for example, the U.S. Army Special Forces are even nicknamed the Green Berets after the damn things. In raspberry color, they’re sexy as hell. The breadth of identity a beret is capable of adapting to is remarkable, but, like all interesting thoughts, it’s bullshit until applied to automobiles, so let’s do that. Name a car that enjoys a similar degree of acceptance across such a huge cultural and utilitarian spectrum? In short, what car is a beret?
This is a tricky question, I think. There are some cars that come close, like the original Mini (which was both a small, economical city car and also the basis of many iconic rally cars) or the original Volkswagen Beetle, a post-war basic people’s car and also the basis for dune buggies and desert racers. But I’m not sure that’s enough, really. Lots of cars filled a wide variety of roles – Crown Vics were taxicabs and cop cars and family cars, BMWs have been the steeds of choice for everyone from performance driving enthusiasts to rich douchebags to douchebags that seem rich, but are really in massive debt. But none of these are really beret-level breadth.
One candidate that may be worthy is the Jeep Wrangler. And, I think we need to make the distinction between the older CJ Jeeps and military Jeeps and use the Wrangler for this, starting with the square-headlight YJ generation. The Wrangler managed to take on a surprising number of quite varied roles in modern life and culture, from being the vehicle of choice for the Alicia Silverstone’s main character in the movie Clueless, being an off-roading icon, an icon of the gay community, a vehicle for letting everyone know how angry you are all the time, and, of course, serving in armed forces all over the world.
That’s a decent range of roles and positions in the spectrum of human endeavors, but is it really beret-level? Maybe? I suspect that you may have your own ideas, so let’s hear them! Hop in the comments, propose your automotive beret, and let the arguments and evaluations and recriminations and tears and laughter and catharses unfold! Have at it!
The Civic.
The official car of social work grads and pointy head hypermilers, and VTEC just kicked in, yo.
I posit that the Wrangler is more analogous to a bucket hat which is even more varied and all encompassing in its use cases than the beret.
Beret’s are a fairly uncommon thing to see.
Wrangler’s, not so much.
Also, a bucket hat often looks stupid, but can be genuinely if (like me) you have Irish skin and will get a sunburn in like 9 minutes. Is a beret actually useful ever?
Minivan.
Kids? Check. Truck things? You bet. Slow car fast? Mmhm. Autocross? Yep. 24 Hours of Lemons? Sure, it’s got room for the beer cooler too.
I agree with this. If a Jeep guy goes against the grain to suggest a minivan, he’s got to be on to something. Plus, 5 seconds of thinking makes this a great suggestion.
Just don’t make it 6 seconds…
You said was but the Jeep Wrangler is.
As far as is is concerned I’d say specifically 2 door Jeep Wranglers. They have a surprisingly good turning circle that helps them in the city while being plenty capable off road for a new automobile.
Personally I’d want one without power steering or AC.
I had that. It was a ’95 YJ.
Had? What happened to it if you don’t mind my asking?
It was my DD but actually too nice. Too much pressure. I enjoyed it for awhile, but eventually sold it on to a guy in Montana.
:'(
I understand.
I find the Jeep Wrangler argument compelling. There’s lots of good options folks have mentioned, but the beret has been everything from utilitarian to ostentatious, and I think Jeep really fits the full breadth of that spectrum with one model.
Enough with the damned Jeeps and RV conversions. They were marginally interesting the first five or six times but you have worn them out. You guys made your reputation for thinking outside the box. You need to get back to it.
Did you read the Equinox article?
This article is not about jeeps. it happens to have a jeep in it, but to say it’s like any other jeep article here is wildly inaccurate.
I agree with you on the RV stuff though, stuff like the boat roof one is cool, but a lot are indistinguishable from the last 5 trailers she posted.
L316 Defender. Classy, classic and completely transcends class.You can fill it with sheep, squaddies, squabbling kids, firefighting equipment or dead princes. Works just as brilliantly as £5000 worth of battered eBay gamble as it does as £200k worth of shiny with a V8 stuffed in it.
Case fucking closed, my friends.
I put my money on the original old school Land Rover (the Series-series cars) in my reply, but actually Defender is even better option.
BTW, we had Defenders even in the Finnish Army when I was serving and I once got to drive one.
Fucking horrible to drive aren’t they. Possibly the worst steering lock this side of HMS Queen Elizabeth.
when I was working on L663 I did some super secret renders of a military version (we were not usually allowed to do this for sensitive reasons) for a higher up from a European army, I can’t remember which one though. But could well have been Finland.
That experience was in such a rough forest path in slow speeds that I can’t really give very thorough view in that, but even in those circumstances it felt quite tractor-like. Especially considering those Defenders weren’t that old back then.
And Montys army did wear berets. But berets are for Fops. Totally silly and ridiculous. You never saw Patton in a beret.
I don’t think the Royal Marines would take kindly to being called fops!
Smile when you say that, son
https://www.wearethemighty.com/mighty-brave/nick-lavery-green-beret/
That’s only true in the UK (a case could be made for Europe in general) – in the US they start at $50K and you only see them in the Hamptons and such.
I have few options:
– OG Mini: truly classless car, can be driven by a broke out hippie or a modest house mom or millionaire rockstar / fashion icon and no one in their group of people wouldn’t bat an eylid.
– G-wagen: has been rugged army vehicle, old money farm and hunting wagon, posh Hollywood swag-wagen and ultimate toy for more money than taste Saudi princes.
– Chevy van: can be driven by weed smelling surf bums, your local plumber or a SWAT team, and again feels like home in all those groups.
– OG Land Rover: as long as you’re British, it is as much at home at your local Farmer’s yard, in front of a multi million mansion, in African safari or any European contractor needing off road capabilities before Land Cruiser and Hilux took the market.
The mighty Honda Fit. Whatever you want from the Fit, it will at least give you a courageous effort. Ours did surprisingly well at autocross on Sunday. And back to its main gig as a farm truck on Monday. Put some little aggressive tires on that thing and it will blast thru muddy fields like a Baja trucks. Mud hole sinks the Cummins? No problem for the Fit, floor it straight through. Gets stuck? A sizable branch and a friend will pull that thing out. The little thing is the most reliable farm truck we’ve ever owned.
Fit as farm truck, love it..
mine goes down 4wd roads regularly. it’s narrow enough to fit in between the potholes and washboards the big trucks dig out, makes for a smooth easy ride.
wore a beret for several years in the Army, a very silly hat. Pitched it into the trash the instant I left..
Ours as 143k of the hardest miles known to Honda. My wife just smashes stuff with it like 1:64 sized big foot. The thing trucks on. Fit 16 trays full of carrots in the thing and go 35 down miles of washboard. The only that busted was motor to the driver side wiper blade.
Others have said it, but I am going with the Beetle. It has been a race car, movie star, off road vehicle, family vehicle, military vehicle, and people have converted them into limos and trucks. They can be a ratty first car or a show car trailer queen.
What about the Mercedes Geländewagen? Throughout its lifespan, it’s appeared as a:
And, like a beret, it makes you look like a complete tool.
Great answer.
The Land Cruiser.
It is welcome at exclusive country clubs. It is used for mudding. It is driven by suburban soccer moms to the grocery store. It is turned into makeshift machine gun and artillery platforms in third world countries. It is used for Safari vehicles in Africa and Outback excursions in Australia.
And like the land cruiser doesnt work in most occasions.
Berets are beloved because they are uncommon (possibly France excepted). If you see someone in a beret, it draws your attention because it is such a useless cap that it must be serving another function. It is not really good at keeping your head warm and dry (unless you are bald).
For a young lady, it might accentuate her raspberry shoes and exude a certain European flair. For the military man, it indicates a membership in some obscure band of brothers. For a mime (or a Frenchman), it says, “do not approach”.
The jeep is generally useful, fit for purpose, and not rare at all. Maybe the Beetle is a better choice. These days they are scarce and not very good at general transportation and still draw attention and make people smile.
Had me at the begining thought you were going in a different direction.
The VW Golf/Rabbit have been literally everything at one point or another. A small economical hatchback? Yup. A convertible? Yup. A wagon? Yup. A truck? You bet. A performance car? Absolutely, in multiple forms no less. It’s even been a luxury car. Sadly we’ve barely ever had them here in the States but the A3/S3/RS3 (be still, my heart) hatchbacks are big sellers in Europe. It’s been powered by gas, diesel, and batteries too.
It’s gotta be the Golf. I know I’ve given my anti-modern VW spiel and lamented what a headache my GTI was here a few times, but I will give the Golf/Rabbit their due. They’re tremendously influential and important cars.
Subaru Brat, Brumby, Shifter, etc. Used all over the world (except Japan!) as an economical mini hauler, farm vehicle, off-roader, and now trendy resto-cruiser. Popular with everyone from peasants to presidents.
I’m gonna go with the black Yukon or Suburban. They range from fleet to fancy.
A Golf. At least here in the UK. You can find a Golf in a council estate. You can find a Golf on a posh street in Kensington. Anyone can drive a Golf. It is truly classless- especially something innocuous like a mid-range Mk.7. I’m a doctor, and there are two Mk.7 Golfs, both mid-range cars, in the car park. One is owned by the owner of the practice, the other by one of the receptionists.
There are fast, proper performance Golfs. There are econobox Golfs with a 1.0 3-cylinder (admittedly turbocharged). There are more practical Golfs, in the form of the estate.
Perhaps I’d go further and say that the Golf puts on a new hat and can do anything else too. Everything from the tiny Skoda Fabia to the 3-row VW Atlas ride on the Mk.7 Golf’s MQB platform.
My wife is a doctor here in the former colonies and our Mk7 Golf R is generally the most modest car in the MD parking area, by a substantial margin. Though that car enjoys a certain notoriety for the hot pink vinyl wrap it sports. MD pay is generally quite a bit higher here than over there, however, in exchange for going into crushing amounts of debt in order to get through medical school. Also for-profit medicine. She gets a certain perverse joy, however, from taking our other car–a 16-year-old base model Subaru Impreza with dented sheet metal, yellowed headlights, and completely ruined clearcoat–and parking it among the Porsches and BMWs.
I’m still going with the Beetle.
Like the Crown Vic, they were used as taxicabs and family cars, and were sometimes used by wannabe ballers (aka ping-pong ballers) who installed the Rolls-looking front ends in order to appear rich and classy AF. Some were also converted into pickup trucks and panel wagons. That’s breadth. 🙂
They were never the choice of the country club or wall street sets, but the beret doesn’t really travel in those circles either.
A half ton pickup can be anything from farmyard beater to Cowboy Cadillac depending on configuration and condition and pickups have been raced in off road, drag, Oval track and the occasional road race
Sounds more like a straw hat than a beret.
The Dodge Challenger is definitely the answer, military recruitment is based off them, people like to pose with them in all manors of the definition, and they can appear sexy and/or trashy
This is a really good answer. They run the gamut from disheveled V6 hoopties you’ll see in rough parts of town, to rental fleets, to performance per dollar ratio middle and upper middle class buys, all the way up to celebrities. Pro athletes LOVE Hellcats. They’re one of the ultimate status symbols in some communities….and how many music videos have featured them over the years?
They’re also instantly recognizable and, love them or hate them, literally everyone knows what they are. Let the Autopian who hasn’t considered a Challenger at one point or another cast the first stone…because I know damn well that everyone on this site has encountered one that made them do a double take before and 370+ naturally aspirated V8 horsepower in the 30s is…well, 370+ naturally aspirated V8 horsepower in the 30s.
Plenty of people think they’re above such a gaudy, ostentatious machine but as soon as they hear and feel V8 sing at wide open throttle all of that melts away.
My neighbor has a Challenger and every now and then when I wake up to the sound of burbly Hemi idling… I’m not even mad. Plus, the Challengers with the widebody in that semigloss olive green look surprisingly awesome. I have no use for one, but I consider them the last true muscle car and wouldn’t mind owning one.
always found them faintly ludicrous. Then a friend at work bought a salvage Charger with 700hp and races it at the weekends. It’s true, I’m not above it, and the siren song of the v8 is powerful..
I mean, it’s WAY too on the nose, but to me, the 2CV. What hasn’t that car done?
Roger Moore’s all time favorite Bond car no less!
The 2CV chase scene is possibly the best of all the movies. It is certainly the most imaginative without using Q-magic.
Yeah, it’s a stunt car too. I forgot about that. 🙂
Gone over 45 mph?
71 MPH top speed in factory spec to be exact. I’m sure someone hopped one up to be faster.
What about the Fiat 124/125? If you include the Trabant as a variation it had diverse uses.
I think you mean Lada. The Trabant is a DKW knockoff whose sole connection to Fiat is,4 wheels and an engine
You are correct. I thought there were other eastern block versions too.
There were. Poland got the 125. Minus the twincam..
This isn’t mine originally (it was Lee Iacocca’s concept*) but…Mustangs.
Current stereotypes aside, they’ve sold well forever because of their paradoxical combination of flexibility and rigidity.
They’ve been available from secretary-mild all the way up to NASCAR homologation-spec but have employed a design language that almost always hits the sweet spot between bleh and screw you warden I’m bustin’ out. They’ve changed dramatically over the years, yet always offer an identifiable, singular ethos. Name another car that both kids and old ladies like.
The best analogy I’ve heard is that Mustangs are like jazz – dynamic freeform American cool.
*”…to the strip on Saturday and then church on Sunday” or somesuch I believe.
Certainly when the Mustang came out, it was popular among wildly different demographics. It could be optioned in such vastly different ways that while we forget about it now, back in the day it was often seen as a “secretary’s car” when optioned with the inline six and an automatic or three speed manual (remember, the OG Mustang was basically just a more stylish Falcon and thus could be considered an economy car depending on the spec).
While today we look back on old Mustangs and think of Steve McQueen, road racing, and straight-line performance, there were just as many if not more Mustang drivers who just saw it as a cute affordable fashion accessory with decent gas mileage, a Falcon for fashionable single women with careers.
Totally. It’s rumored that Ford at best breaks even on the V8 models…all the profit comes the base model versions. Which explains some of the shortcomings we see in the performance models…they have big engines, etc. but a lot of the rest of the stuff is designed primarily to keep the costs low.
My elderly mother has a base model convertible and loves it. She’s not stoplight drag racing Camaros, she just thinks it looks good and makes her feel cool behind the wheel. That’s the magic right there.
See Mary Tyler Moore…
*Cues multi-tude of usefulnesses of Miata as a track weapon and smiley toy for casual fun*
Mine hauls lumber and bicycles, and has carried 6 people.
You may be onto it with the Jeep. If you’re going to compare a car with a beret, consider that the beret is not really useful in any context. So ignore the actual usefulness of a car; the flexibility should be the widely disparate groups that use it.