Home » The Autopian Has Officially Decided What Euphemism We’ll Use For [DAVID WON’T LET ME WRITE THIS WORD] – Tales From The Slack

The Autopian Has Officially Decided What Euphemism We’ll Use For [DAVID WON’T LET ME WRITE THIS WORD] – Tales From The Slack

Slack Tales Jingoff
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Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 month ago

C’mon, man. My favorite Torch rabbit-hole posts have often dealt with the scatological and risqué. I’m NOT your editor, but I’m an editor on another website and I’m pro-the use of “jerking off” on here. Jorkin’ your peanuts is what it is, and in this song’s context, it’s the accurate term.

This is still a funny euphemism, though. I know I personally err on the side of “my mother reads this” in my writing, but even my very conservative family probably wouldn’t bat an eye at seeing “jerking off” in an article, plus I’d trust the folks on here to exercise good judgement on what’s too much versus what’s just fine.

Laurence Rogers
Laurence Rogers
2 months ago

So if your Onan engine is acting up, can you reference the late, great Sean Locke and call it ‘a challenging wank?’

https://youtu.be/Nrty2XITqTE?si=au64WeCJokmXPBMf

Defenestrator
Defenestrator
2 months ago

What, not a single PowerStroke joke in there?

Hugh Crawford
Hugh Crawford
2 months ago

Excellent punch line.

I was expecting more about eels.

Tom Trutna
Tom Trutna
2 months ago

Who was it (Jalopnik) that referred to a new Jaguar as the “latest pussy”?

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 month ago
Reply to  Tom Trutna

Yeeeeesh. Yuck. Turbo-yuck.

Gosh, I hope it’s not Jalopnik. That’s the kind of off-putting gross car sexualization we used to tell people to avoid in the frickin’ style guide! Leave that garbage up to journosaurs who go on weird mid-review tangents about their wife leaving them. There’s enough of those still around, unfortunately. The Kids don’t need to pick up that bad, lazy habit.

Tom Trutna
Tom Trutna
1 month ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

It was in the early days of Jalopnik. I almost quit checking in because of all the juvenile stuff.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 month ago
Reply to  Tom Trutna

Ahhhhh, yeah. That was probably before my time, and before the industry as a whole had a bit more self-reflection in the books. Hell, I know I have some verbiage in print that I regret in hindsight, too.

Last edited 1 month ago by Stef Schrader
Tom Trutna
Tom Trutna
1 month ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

No worries, the writing these days is outa the park. In a good way.

Horizontally Opposed
Horizontally Opposed
2 months ago

Useful read this. I learned that Onan’s one-stroke engine company has been sold to Cummings. I will make sure to pepper this into conversation at my next fund raiser party in high society, thoroughly amazing my interlocutors.

Peter d
Peter d
2 months ago

Years ago I used “jactuators” in some machinery that I designed – the shop had a field day at first, but then came to appreciate the funny and descriptive brand name these things could move tons like a jack, but were readily actuated with electricity. Although it looks like the current brand owners have given up on this distinctive brand name – and you need to buy true jactuators on the secondary market: https://obtainsurplus.com/all/duff-norton-actuator-ltm-9020-15-worm-gear-jactuator-20-ton-screw-jack-000081223008ff23ls?srsltid=AfmBOor_anyoXdoaWsmZHqf-WI9AI-Lvnvvhzh9DwcPEP0sY53cJ5klv

Tarragon
Tarragon
2 months ago

The comments seem to have covered couch hockey for one pretty well so I’ll talk about Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah instead.

Many many artists have covered this and to me none have come close to the original.

Also, it’s mostly covered and played as a religious song. It certainly uses religious metaphors but it’s really about sex and love lost.

That’s clearer if you listen to some of the alternate / extended versions he did.

“There was a time you let me know
What’s really going on below,
Ah but now you never show it to me, do you?

Yeah but I remember, yeah when I moved in you,
And the holy dove, she was moving too,
Yes every single breath that we drew was Hallelujah.”

That’s certainly not the right sentiment for a wedding.

Rob Schneider
Rob Schneider
2 months ago
Reply to  Tarragon

I read he wrote something like 80 verses for that song. Every time I hear a version that uses one or the “non standard” verses, it makes me smile.

I’m kind of partial to Pentatonix’s rendition.

Trust Doesn't Rust
Trust Doesn't Rust
2 months ago

“I’m one of those people who does legitimately believe The Bible is the greatest story ever told…”

Someone clearly hasn’t read “I Can’t Said the Ant”.

H T
H T
2 months ago

This may be the best TFTS yet

Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
2 months ago

Just a quick reminder:

Crank Shaft. There’s a reason it’s two words instead of one.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
2 months ago

“I’m one of those people who does legitimately believe The Bible is the greatest story ever told”

To each their own. I thought it boring and grossly over rated.

Double Wide Harvey Park
Double Wide Harvey Park
2 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

It’s like Infinite Jest without the fun vocabulary

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
2 months ago

I’ll take your word for it.

Double Wide Harvey Park
Double Wide Harvey Park
2 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

You can’t miss it, it’s at the beginning.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
2 months ago

Brewster’s angle?

Rust Buckets
Rust Buckets
2 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

Definitely not a fast paced action novel if that’s what you’re into.

Parsko
Parsko
2 months ago

I can’t believe I missed this. I don’t know who this onan guy is, but fuck if I don’t Rev his engine way too regularly.

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
2 months ago

I am writing the petition to have this included in the AP Stylebook right now.

Geoff Buchholz
Geoff Buchholz
2 months ago

I started laughing at the term “honking your goose” and haven’t stopped. Well done, everyone, though I’ll light a candle for Galpin’s HR people.

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
2 months ago

Hospitals suck for a variety of reasons.

Mainly because there’s lots of bodily fluids flying around, but not the fun ones.
And a lot of groaning, but not from wanking.

And any diety who would make sex and masturbation pleasant but against the rules is a narcissistic masochist, unworthy of my belief.

I feel sorry for the T-Rexes tho – No wonder they were so cranky.

Angel "the Cobra" Martin
Angel "the Cobra" Martin
2 months ago

Honking your goose. That’s gold.

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