We’re in central California for “Monterey Car Week” in our Pontiac Aztek and the vibes are good, my friends. It feels like the entire car world is here going to shows, auctions, or races, and a surprisingly huge number of them are super pumped about our humble, beige-on-beige Pontiac. A guy in a Honda Fit nearly drove off the road in front of The Lodge at Pebble Beach trying to get our attention, yelling out “AUTOPIAN?!?!?” out of his window. It’s amazing.
The photo above is of our car next to a $2.1 million McLaren Speedetail, which is exactly the kind of car you’ll see a lot of at Monterey Car Week. I was taking this photo because it’s kind of our mission to get the much-maligned Aztek as close to as many new supercars and vintage Packards as possible. This was meant to be a playful photobomb, as this place is also crawling with young people excited to grab photos of cars they usually only see in Forza Horizon.
But is it a photobomb if people really want the photo of the Aztek?
I swear on Bob Lutz that moments after taking this photo a kid with a DSLR snapped his own shot of the Speedtail and then proceeded to turn around and take a photo of the Aztek. His friend, slightly puzzled, looked at him and the kid said “What? You gotta take a pic of an Aztek.” The friend nodded at his sage observation.
Car culture is fantastic and all of this is giving me life.
Why We Even Have This Car
I need to start by thanking the members of The Autopian who helped us buy this car. As a promotion for our 2nd anniversary, we said that if 200 people signed up for membership in April we’d buy an Aztek and daily drive/live in it for a week. You did it, so we did it. It may be the “ugliest car in the world,” but it’s charmingly weird in a way you can’t help but enjoy if you love cars (or being weird). It’s also legitimately good, as David said in his Unironic Review.
The car we got off Cars and Bids actually looked great when it showed up, and David’s review is on point: This thingrules; I’ve been driving it this week and, as David pointed out, it may not be perfect but it’s a early aughts GM product and thus has amazing seats, a cushy ride, lazy handling and ice-cold AC. It’s a minivan with no sliding doors, basically.
It’s also enormously practical and eats miles without complaint.
The Car Was A Hit At “Fuel Run”
We drove to the lovely Porsche Santa Clarita (owned by our sister company Galpin Motors) for the start of the “Fuel Run” on Wednesday. This is a rally for exotics that starts in LA and ends up in Monterey later that day. There were hundreds of cars out for the event, including a Lamborghini Countach, a million 911s, a few Lotuses, some nice BMWs… cars that are the opposite of the Pontiac Aztek.
The bit, as you can see in the video above, was that the Pontiac Aztek is the least likely car to run in this event. A little part of me was worried that people wouldn’t get the joke or that htey’d look down at the Aztek, but it didn’t happen.
Not only did everyone get the joke, but people seemed to genuinely appreciate the car. I think exotic car owners sometimes get a bad rap because of the small percentage of drivers who see it as status and don’t care about their vehicles. That’s not the case here. Everyone seemed to be on the Fuel Run because they love the camaraderie that comes with a shared passion.
In fact, the couple honking at us from the Boxster GTS 4.0 behind us in the video weren’t upset. We explained what we were doing (because we’re not jerks) and they thought it was hilarious and were more than happy to honk to make the video better.
It was a perfect start to the week.
Inside The Paddock At Laguna Seca
Our plan for yesterday morning was to quickly get over to Weathertech Raceway Laguna Seca to see the Porsche 901 being raced by Steve McCord in the early session. The gag was going to be that we’d sneak in behind Steve as the cars lined up to get on the grid for the race.
We had absolutely no pass that would allow us into the paddock, of course. Our parking passes were on the hill. I’m not sure if it was the addition of the Fuel Run stickers, the anonymity of a beige-on-beige car, or the general goodwill of people… but we got in. The only time we were stopped by an official was when they wanted to talk about the Aztek!
The biggest problem we had was when I attempted to get into the grid… no one stopped me. Our camera team was out there waiting for us and I definitely chickened out. I love Laguna and the Historics and I respect it too much to even sneak onto pitlane for pre-grid. I just sat there waiting, dumbstruck for a second, and then I had to ditch to let a vintage Porsche behind me get onto the track.
Eventually, we were able to post up right next to the grid and everyone seemed happy to see the Aztek in spite of all the historic race cars around us.
The Aztek Is The Ultimate Life Hack
Everywhere we go people stop and stare. They laugh. They give us a thumbs up. I’m not sure how many of these people here know we’re with The Autopian and I’m not sure it matters (though we’ve been stopped by multiple people including a fan wearing our shirt at Motorlux!). The Aztek doesn’t need an explanation.
The Central Coast during Monterey Car Week is the kind of place where you’ll see a Tucker stuck behind a Ferrari Purosangque and a Pininfarina Battista in a traffic jam. If you love these kinds of cars you’ll never see more of them in one place in the United States.
Is the Aztek a better car than any of these cars? No. Of course not. Everyone knows this. The Aztek is weird and ridiculous. It’s not particularly well built and it’s not at all luxurious (though, again, comfy as hell).
Ultimately, the point we’re trying to make is not that some cars are good and some cars are bad. We’re not lampooning the nice cars. The point is that we all appreciate different kinds of cars and it’s not the cars that are important, it’s the appreciation itself.
It’s wonderful that pretty much everyone seems to get this. The Aztek gets as many smiles and waves as just about any car here, both from bystanders and Lamborghini drivers. It’s awesome.
Just in case you boys didn’t realize it, you can get a quality pint and good pub grub at the Crown and Anchor across the street from your hotel! (they’re at the Marriott in downtown Monterey)
Just when we think you’re getting a little too fancy, you restore our faith with two sentences: “I gotta pee.” “I need a burrito.” That’s my boys!
Easy to walk in somewhere and make jokes but I dare the staff to pursue the cause, to Make Aztecs Great Again. You can already get hats.
I assume you lot are parading around in your $35 tuxedos all week as well.
I have the urge to do one of those headlight polishing treatments on those turn signals
When I had my ’84 Subaru GL wagon done up with crosshairs on the hood, teeth in the grille (after a cop made me remove the fake machine guns that stuck out), and joke “Safari Rally” stickers on the doors (in the days before Pep Boys Civics, most people got the joke, though Subaru did run in a few bottom class rallies at the time with BRATs IIRC) and a PA system that made animal noises (best $25 I ever spent), people would walk right by all kinds of nice cars to check it out—especially women if cruising the beach—and I’d even get ushered into cruise night parking when I was going to park in the lot with the other boring cars. Today, I get similar universal laughter and happiness reactions from my ACME rocket bike. It seems most people appreciate a sense of humor, especially when it shows one doesn’t take themself too seriously.
This is awesome, and exactly the kind of reception I hoped/expected you’d receive. I’ve always said that being an auto enthusiast has nothing to do with the kind of vehicle you drive, it’s about enjoying whatever vehicle you end up behind the wheel of, be it a sports car, an Aztek, or a moving van.
“The Central Coast during Monterey Car Week is the kind of place where you’ll see a Tucker stuck behind a Ferrari Purosangque and a Pininfarina Battista in a traffic jam. If you love these kinds of cars you’ll never see more of them in one place in the United States.
Is the Aztek a better car than any of these cars? No. Of course not.”
Well that depends on your standards doesn’t it? Can you/would you camp in those *other* cars? Do they come tent ready? Can you bring li’l Timmy and a few of his friends to Chuck E Cheese in those other cars? For that matter would you feel comfortable eating a meatball sandwich in them? Do they scream IDGAF as only a Pontiac can?
No? Well how about the Aztek? Yes?
I rest my case.
As a mini van supporter I agree with you except
nope, not going to happen. Dry food only. I don’t mind busting out the vacuum cleaner from time to time but the days of deep cleaning the seats and floor are now behind me.
David eats spaghetti in the shower, I’m pretty sure he’d eat it in an Aztek
Embrace the chaos, stains are a badge of honor. Chicks digs scars, glory last forever…..
Sorry, got sidetracked there.
One day when I can afford a too expensive car, I’m going to eat the hell out of a meatball sandwich in it. Gonna be like that pic of the VW Nardo with the huge ass stain on the front seat that folks are unsure if its blood, oil, marinara, whatever.
Hell yeah. Pontiac is here bringing the idgaf energy!
The Honda Fit may well be the most Autopian Car.
The Aztec actually looks good!
I have a weird engine swap dream about putting a Volt powertrain into an Aztek. Sounds silly and pointless, but I would daily the hell out that Frankenstein monster. A tribute to what could have been….
This would be heroically dorky, it must be accomplished.
The Aztec will 100% be the star of the weekend anywhere you take it.
It’s clear to see why DT made such a big deal of making sure it was fixed.
I think I’m in the majority of car enthusiasts in that I respect people who love their cars and demonstrate it, regardless of if it’s a Bugatti or a Bug.
The only car lovers I don’t respect are people who modify their cars into something I think is dangerous to drive, things like the Carolina Squat or cars with 20 degrees of camber. Aside from that, if you love your car, I love you.
I like how the lead photo shows no one looking at the Aztec.
Currently planning on eliminating my bench seat to go with some buckets. I’m wanting to install a cooler as the center console. If it’s good enough for the Aztec it is good enough for me.
Don’t do it. You’re going to miss all the bolstering those bench seats provide!
That is the cleanest Aztek I have ever seen. The mere fact that it still appears in such a condition must qualify it in the rare to super-rare category of car collecting… Porsches, Astons and Ferraris are great and beautiful, but they don’t strike me as all that rare in terms of finding, preserving and using… all it takes is a good amount of money. TLDR: Who preserves a Pontiac Aztek? Autopian does.
Gotta love the extended bit of The Autopian showing up to fancy-pants auto events in underappreciated shitboxes and just making everyone’s day.
Y’all are a force for good in the car community.
I’d like to emphasize how they literally do this INTERCONTINENTALLY. Who among us doesn’t wish we were a part of the jet set with shitboxes scattered across the globe? Dudes are literally living the dream!
I have trouble reading all caps so I
thought INTERCONTINENTALLY was incontinently and, well, segueing into something about shitboxes kind of reinforced it.
See also “Aztec two step”
Getting a full blast Adrian rant in-person would probably lead to incontinence.
Started The Autopian with aspirations of driving a repaired-up Nash Metro, ended up in a bought Aztek. Well, keep some weirdness anyhow. (Smile, shrug.)
Our parking passes were on the hill. I’m not sure if it was the addition of the Fuel Run stickers, the anonymity of a beige-on-beige car, or the general goodwill of people… but we got in
All of the above…….or was CSC providing security!
I only take photos of Azteks with the thick black cladding. I have standards.
Don’t forget to swing it by the Concours d’Lemons.
There is nothing more satisfying on car ownership when someone gives you a thumbs up, a smile, some questions when you are putting gas. Even on my 3K Honda Insight Gen 1, that’s what matters to me to car ownership. I dont need a Ferrari to feel that satisfaction, and I feel that’s the thing with the autopian, whatever you drive but if someone else appreciate that, you feel something special.
My wife and kids just don’t understand my love of wagons. Its always nice when I have them with me and someone in a much “cooler” car compliments my TourX.
Exactly. I have a bone stock (except for some KC lights on a bar) on my Wrangler. 2 door. Orange. Get a surprising amount of compliments, and little kids love it. Probably because it’s orange, and definitely stands out among greyscale cars. That or they think it’s a Tonka.
Thanks for spreading the car love y’all. That was a great read to start off the weekend.
If I drove up to Monterey in an Aztek, I’d be turned away at the city limits.
Not if you told them you’re assigned to the Presidio of Monterey.
As one who was stationed at DLI for a year from 1987-88 – it was a different world from the rest of the Monterey Peninsula.
What language did you study?
Czech.
All I remember of it now are the niceties and how to order a beer.
And your username isn’t Czechsout?
Nah – I wound up stationed outside Tokyo a couple years later – ’90-92.
That was a much more defining and eye opening experience.
Budvar or Pilsner Urquell?
Yes, it is. The AC works great and it’s not going to overheat in stop and go traffic.
And do any of those supercars have a factory available tent that you can camp in?!?
I think NOT!!!
Your honor, the defense rests!
The Porsches have a factory-available rooftop tent, so they MIGHT be as good as the Aztek on that front.
Redirect your honor!
The Aztek has cooler built into the console. Do the Porsches have something similar?
Defense rests.
Again.
And there’s plenty of luggage space.
The guys in the Lambos may be at all the fancy parties – but they’re also washing their socks and underwear in the bathroom sink every other night too.
I assume they just buy new each evening before returning to the hotel 😀
The hotel concierge takes care of it for them.