Many times I’ll be walking my genetically-engineered ambulatory ficus down the street, when I’ll be approached by a breathless, excited person. “You’re the guy from the Taillight Ruiners commercial!” they’ll scream, pinning me to the ground, knees on my shoulders. “Tell me,” they often continue, “what kind of taillights were used in that logo?” At this point their face is usually inches from mine, their unblinking eyes boring sight-holes in my face. Since this is clearly a concern of many, many people, I’m going to reveal the truth now.
First, if you somehow haven’t seen this ad from the early 2000s, here it is:
The Taillight Ruiners chain used to be all over Southern California, but I think they’re all gone now, replaced by cheap DIY taillight ruining kits you can get online. Nobody really appreciates the value of a professionally-ruined taillight anymore.
Anyway, the taillight used in that goofy animation is from a 1974 Lancia Beta coupe. Please, spread the word so people stop accosting me.
Also, in that ad you can see the roofline of my old Volvo P1800, my wife’s old Buick Skylark (which had an already broken taillight we sacrificed to make this), our old Rabbit convertible, and an extra taillight from my Beetle.
I show this goofy thing like once every six years. You’re welcome.
The voice of the balding guy doing most of the speaking sounds a lot like Rich Evans from Red Letter Media (they review and make fun of movies/tv shows).
As long as I can visit Taillight Ruiners while I’m shopping for Real Fake Doors, I’m in.
Yikes
Apparently Tesla will also ruin your marker lights for free…
Also, how have I never seen this?!
I ordered a DIY kit it was just a roll of red duct tape and a rock. Funny thing that rock was related to my pet rock. Both were from the Granite side of the family.
Not exactly related to this article, but YT recommended this video and I thought you might want to know someone is trying to steal your thunder…
https://youtu.be/O1lZ9n2bxWA
In ages past one could go though life thinking you were alone in your interests.
Now with the Internet you can gain the security of knowing you are not alone, there may be dozens worldwide. It is not surprising this guy is on YouseToobe, I can see he’d be a hit at “The Reflector Bar”.
Ya’ know what this commercial needs? A radioactive bear!
Jason, if you want to stop looking over your shoulder you can move to Colorado where we just decriminalized mushrooms.
another satisfied customer here from years ago.
ya those DIY kits are junk.
I was thinking of getting my headlights done too, but they didn’t have enough techs with requisite skills.
Torch is wearing the same T-Shirt that he wears today – how is that possible? Is there a connection to Einstein and his identical suits?
lmao. I just realized Jason reminds me a bit of Charlie Day. Maybe do a commercial for kitten mittens next?
Not only is it a great commercial, I love the locations map, just one road where all locations are on it. covers a good chunk of the distance from downtown LA to Santa Monica too.
https://goo.gl/maps/p9xCPeaQDzk8qUr9A
I’m really happy someone noticed all the locations are on Pico Blvd.
They cover one street more completely than a Dunkin franchise
I’ve never seen this video before.
Just when I thought that you were already pretty weird, you show that you’ve always been weirder. Good job
Jason, to quote Murph and the Magictones, “don’t you go changin’.”
Well, I’ve found my rabbit hole for the day. Jesus Christ … Superstore is up next!
Aaaaaaaaa….I cannot unsee this, I just cannot. Watched it to the end though, and I think I want to watch it again just to see all the vehicles that Torch mentions in the story. There is definitely a “taillight” theme running through his life. Love it!
I.. have no words for this.
I love the John Davis wannabe!
With hair to match!
Hahaha. Thanks for this, Torch. You’re an absolute weirdo and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Speaking of weirdo things… Any Mack Hardigraw stuff coming in the nearish future?
I think we can probably get another Hardigraw Car Mystery out soon.
You should start a line of “Hack Mardigraw” products. Surely that t-shirt would sell as well as the Big Johnson line did.
I love your work Torch, even the odd time I don’t understand it.
Um.
Well, now we know that Jason has always been Jason. That’s…reassuring?
Whatever it is, at least it’s a stable condition.