Break out your low-rise jeans, crank some Nelly, and boot up your clamshell iBook, because a TVR Tuscan sports car inspired by the big budget action thriller/John Travolta facial hair experiment “Swordfish” is on sale right now and people need to know. Seriously, it’s like a Sony Vaio threw up on a car. I love it.
It’s hard to describe the early 2000s (generally referred to as the Y2K era) to people who were not there. We’d all somehow survived the much-feared and ultimately benign electronic apocalypse, only to have this brief sense of relief and the general post-Cold War high America was operating on destroyed by a terrorist attack and our reaction to it. The whole idea that the machines we’d relied on could destroy us was a touch Butlerian, though I’d argue our burgeoning electronic apocalypse is probably still happening, albeit in a slower, more Gibsonian way.
Anyway, do you want to hear my theories on post-9/11 America or do you want to read about this killer TVR you can buy? That’s what I thought.
The TVR Tuscan
TVR was (is?) a longtime British manufacturer of small batch sports cars of phallic design and testicular power, especially in the late ’90s and early aughts. They were the kind of cars you’d buy if you lived in the UK and thought a Dodge Viper was too tame.
The Tuscan was, by TVR standards, only slightly insane. Powered by a TVR-made inline-six, the Tuscan first showed up with about 340 horsepower, before kicking it up to 360 horsepower when paired with the bored out 4.0-liter version. While these numbers aren’t huge by today’s standards, this is a rear-wheel drive car that weighs less than 2,600 pounds and looks like what a teenage Joker would drive in a short-lived “Young Batman” cartoon that the WB unceremoniously cancelled midway through its second season. It’s also a car with no ABS or tractional control, because TVR didn’t believe in them.
What Makes It A ‘Swordfish’ Car
Through the magic of product placement, the new Tuscan sports car got to make its big screen debut in “Swordfish,” an action flick described by the NYT as “a James Bond movie stripped of humor.” Below is the scene involving the Tuscan, which Roger Ebert described as an “absolutely gratuitous car chase.”
I’m not even going to explain the plot because it just makes it less fun. Also, imagine learning how to drive stick on a TVR! Hugh Jackman does a remarkable job here.
The particular car for sale over at British classified site Pistonheads is a 2004 model with the 3.6-liter inline-six. It’s a ‘Swordfish’ car because it has the flip paint color (aka Mystichrome) like the car in the movie, which shifts from a greenish color to a bluer shade depending on the angle you view it.
It’s a lot and feels very T-Mobile Sidekick. Like, to be a passenger in this car you need to be dressed up full Boho-Chic. Seriously, will.i.am probably took one look at this Tuscan and said “That’s a bit much.”
But look at the freaking interior! It’s like the cross between a Sony Sports Walkman CD Diskman and Val Kilmer’s codpiece from Batman Forever.
The colors are a match for what’s on the outside of the car, but with more of the pastel periwinkle that industrial designers in the early 2000s could not get enough of for some reason.
[Editor’s Note: Just for reference, check out this Sony VAIO laptop from 1998:
Same damn purple! – JT]
And those buttons! Clearly, the best thing to do with a car that has no real protective safety systems other than your right foot is give it some glossy smooth, completely inscrutable gold buttons. 
I’m not even being facetious here. I straight up love this car. It’s so perfectly of its place and time. I’m not even sure I could drive this Y2K Dick Tracy villain lookin’ ass car, but I’d like to try. It’s currently for sale for the fairly reasonable price of £36,995 or $46,000.
The seller also describes how well it’s been taken care of in its short history:
This particular Tuscan has been maintained by the Hilton & Moss team for over 14 years which included our extensive period as a main dealer, Castle TVR. The car was first registered in July 2004 and has had just two owners since. The first kept the car for 5 years up until May 2009, the second and final keeper took ownership at this time purchasing the car from us.The car retains a very healthy history file and service/maintenance record. Shortly after purchase in 2009 the car was laid up in dry storage for a huge 8-year period between 2009-2017, this is all supported by the cars history file, previous owner and MOT history. The team at Hilton & Moss completed a thorough recommission in 2017 and have maintained the car regularly since.
If you’re in the UK or another country that can import this car, I think you at least need to try, right? It is the literal best car you could drive to laser tag.
Also, some of the Y2K jokes were contributed by my friend Dan. Please make your best Y2K joke below.
Photos: Pistonheads, Sony, Rio, RCA, Vintage Mac Museum
This car is an absolute design icon. I love everything about it, and I’m glad weird Y2K design is having a moment. Remember feeling optimistic about the future? Like, I should be reading this on a sleek, candy-hued escape-pod toilet in space as I call for my Jetsons-style robot maid to refill the TP when I’m done, but no! Instead, the Internet has become a haven for the worst people on earth to spread ignorance and hatred, and I greet every day of my garbage, dead-end life with a mix of crippling depression and dread. Worst of all, I never even got a 911. This timeline sucks.
Anyway, this TVR is the car for those of us who didn’t think the 996 went hard enough to merit bending to the trends. I love it.
(Point of order, though—that’s not THE Mystichrome paint Ford used, but a different color-shift paint called Chameleon Blue. Ford’s pretty adamant about no-sharesies on its version, even if similar paints exist from other makers.)
Hey Stef? As a fellow millennial I know that making light of our persistent existential dread is about the Most Millennial Thing, but I’m a little worried about some of your recent posts. I get the feeling and I encourage you reach out to someone if those feelings get too persistently existential, if you know what I mean.
Sorry if this is weirdly personal or whatever. I just, I’ve been there, and it’s not a fun road to drive, 911 or no. Stay safe.
Yeah, I guess the dread is leaking out a lot lately. Things are bad, and I don’t see an end in sight to that. There’s just nothing going on—I got hurt and that’s keeping me from doing much, and it’s pretty miserable, all things considered. I feel like the world’s most useless person lately. I’ve got people to talk to, though. Thanks for the concern. That means a lot.
I’m glad you have people you can talk to. I absolutely emphathize with the “no end in sight” dread. And I’m glad my post didn’t come off as “only good vibes allowed” or anything.
The folks spreading hatred and ignorance want to overwhelm us with hopelessness. It’s entirely understandable to feel overwhelmed, miserable, and powerless. Just do your best and know that, even if we don’t know you personally, you seem like a very caring and conscientious person.
(Even if I don’t get like 90% of your references. 😛 )
The internet has always been full of ignorance and hate.
Facebook just handed a megaphone to the haters and aimed it at old people who apparently trust any information presented in Meme form.
True, but you used to have to *work* to see that kind of garbage. Nowadays, it’s more like “oops, I logged into Twitter, and that was a mistake.” (There’s good reason why I’m not looking to go back into social media work.)
The era of alien-looking TVRs and blobby neon iMacs still had some naïvete about what was to come. The internet was full of knowledge! A way to connect and make the world feel smaller—except, like, in a good way, not in a way where Facebook Uncles everywhere think that despots half a world away are doing things right. Of course, still being a teenager looking at the rise of world-changing technology probably contributed to that sense of naïve optimism and wonder. Even the most mundane things around the Y2K era got styled in this cool, futuristic way because we were excited for that future. Things were bright, shiny, and often at least partially translucent to show off the tech inside because F U T U R E. Hell, even my landline was a partially translucent clear and purple wireless phone that felt like a riff on the iMac design.
I miss that! All that stuff was so cool looking! Also, I miss feeling excited about what was to come. The vibe that inspired that whole era of design was a good one.
Well spoken man. I’m an internet stranger so don’t know how you feel.
I do know that recovering from an injury that limits your abilities sucks the life out of people who pride themselves on their abilities and being helpful.
When the dread was leaking out of me during my tedious recovery I found a little solace in cutting all cords for a few hours a day and reading good old fashioned books.
A recommendation based on your comment:
“The nineties” by Chuck Klosterman.
“I can’t drive a stick!” Saddest words ever.
Sorry the Viper too tame for you buy this? I love the TVR but a Viper makes this thing look like a moped.
Not so much, no.
Sure at the time it had 140 more hp, but it also weighed about 800 lbs more.
The Viper might have more power, but the TVR wins on the “actively trying to kill you” score.
I love this car and if i won the lottery i would daily it. Unlikely to gain more than its cost so figure it a DD.
BEST Y2K joke? Well John Travolta of course. Him as an action star at 300 pounds with no muscles vs him in Battlefield Earth as a Alien Soldier General? Cmon Mr Kotter!
Anyone remember Lego Galidor? This looks like if Galidor had a car in it.
We NEED to read Adrian’s opinion of this vehicle – Pleeeeeease?
Incredibly weird TVR: exists
All of us: WHERE’S OUR FAVORITE GRUMPY BRITISH DESIGNER?!?! WE NEED HIS TAKES!!!!
I intended no slight to Matt – that was a fun, funny, interesting take on this TVR Tuscan, but I also really want to know what Adrian thinks about it.
I feel like Adrian’s eldergoth stylings might explosively annhilate both parties the moment he touched the door handle.
Like matter and antimatter.
Or a laser and an energy shield.
Or a two-digit year code and our optimism for the futureok I’ll stop.That car chase scene is pretty realistic in one way.
I counted at least seven (background character) cars that avoided terrible accidents because the drivers were paying attention to their surroundings.
Because none of them had smart phones to stare at yet.
Yes but i am chasing trying to kill Vinny Barbarino and Huge Jackass in a fiberglass coupe while driving an Escalade? When they hit the brakes I rear end them car destroyed and maybe tire damage on the Escalade. And for gads sake this car cant outrun an escalade in traffic in the city? Just turn every block.
Holy crap, I have a story about THE SWORDFISH CAR!
When I was stationed in the UK, I got a phone call from my friend that he’d popped a tire near Bury St. Edmunds and asked if I’d come pick him up. I said yes, and headed that way. When I got to where his car was, it was outside a pub that had just closed. I called him up found out rich guy that lived in the walled mansion next door had met him at the pub and invited him over until I got there.
When I went in, another TVR with an LS swap, an ex-MOD Land Rover, a Bentley continental and the swordfish car were sitting in the courtyard. Turns out he had been some original programmer for Nokia and was a complete gear head and had jumped at the opportunity of buying the surviving TVR from the movie.
Everybody knows, or should know, that the T-Mobile Sidekick’s real name is the Danger Hiptop Phone. Seems silly now but at the time it was great. Mine disappeared and my wife got me a ATT phone before I could replace it, which was just as well when the iPhone came out and I got one the first day. Still, I miss my Danger Phone.
Flip color paint is emblematic of 1995-2005. Ford put it everything and my 1998 TVR brochures mention it. TVR interiors from the Cerbera onwards are really interesting because they were making or custom ordering everything possible to move away from kit car image of Ford and Landrover bits. Trivia, the Tasmin “wedge” cars from the 80s used a Landrover One Ten steering column and stalks, complete with rubber dust boots
If only it had a Mini Disc player.
I missed any inkling that it actually runs. Does It?
I unironically love this car.
It’s like riding around inside a Zune.
More apt for the timeframe would be a Creative Labs Nomad, which was my MP3 player of choice back around Y2K.
As well as being *extremely* 2001 in a suitably shameless way for a TVR, it is also the complete antithesis of what people buy today on the new car market, be it shape, colours (!), brand image, the lot. That alone makes me want to buy it and park up next to a line of greyscale CUVs – silver ovoid sunglasses upon my face – and be glad I’m not one of them.
It would probably spit me off backwards out of a roundabout before breaking down repeatedly, but I don’t care. As long as I get to listen to its sound long enough before it does that.
Looks like the perfect car to blast Limp Biskit in. Exceedingly, painfully early 2000s. I can’t tell if I love it ironically or just plain love it…and frankly $46,000 seems downright reasonable for such a special car. Good thing it can’t be imported yet…slash I’m not even that great at driving stick with my right hand so I’m sure switching to the left would be properly embarrassing.
TVRs are firmly on my “I’m scared of driving it” list. There are some cars that I recognize as being beyond my ability to operate safely. If someone threw me the keys would I give it a go? Probably, but I’d baby it. Some other cars in this category include Vipers (although I’m sure V10emous could prepare me properly), the Carrera GT, etc. Fortunately I’m never going to be handed the keys to any of these…
As long as the temp is above 50 degrees and you’re in a Gen V Viper, you’re going to be pretty safe. I’ve done some silly things, but the car is very controllable and surprisingly forgiving given its reputation.
Older ones, be respectful.
The only thing I remember about Swordfish is Halle Berry by the pool. Honestly the only thing worth remembering now that I’m revisiting it in my mind. God it was such a bad movie. I’m surprised Battlefield Earth and Swordfish didn’t completely end Travolta’s career.
Also I miss the Sidekick so much! Since we have the RAZR back maybe it’s time for a Sidekick renaissance…
Yup, the TVR was only the second most interesting thing to look at in that movie.
Obligatory TVR quote:
Can anyone here who has driven TVRs comment?
I can’t comment on the handling, but I can say that TVR apparently took the same approach towards engines… build it and wait for the customers to notice that they ALL need new engines before, maybe, doing something
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&f=5&t=173382
But God, I have always wanted TVR.
A friend of mine has had a few, apparently the trick is to do loads of test drives of different examples until you find one with an acceptable number of build flaws.
In the UK they also suffer from the wrong kind of owner. At a recent car show near me the only people that did the pointless reving engines and poorly controlled wheelspin thing were TVR owners, and they all did it.
The “too manly for ABS and traction control” marketing thing attracted a particular type of person.
I’d hoon the shit out of that thing.
I almost did a spit take of my SoBe, and I need this TVR, please give it to me.
It’s got that Barney leather interior
The interior looks like a 90’s Taco Bell
This is it.
I didn’t see that. Now I can’t unsee it.
And I love it that much more for it.
Thank you for the Dune and William Gibson references. Does DT have any idea what either of them are?
I had the same thoughts. Great references, but how many readers and staff are old enough to get them?!
Agreed, great references. Also very apropos since you see a copy of Neuromancer in Holly’s bedroom in the movie.
What. Dune just got rebooted so the youths are aware. William Gibson has been in the zeitgeist since Zuckerberg bet big on the metaverse, as he’s mentioned frequently in articles about it.
I was hoping that was a movie reference.
The opening scene in the coffee shop is amazingly well done, esp. as it builds toward the twist and a fairly innovative (if cartoonish) use of bullet-time special effects.
This car looks like it’s powered by Fruitopia.
Pink Lemonade Euphoria was the shit, and I’ll die on that hill.
The rather rare for me to find in a vending machine Beachside Blast was my fav, because I love blue flavor.
Respray BRG and have an upholstery shop due a nice tan leather on the whole interior. Leave in the green carpet. Would look 1000% percent better. Hit the gas and leave 2001 behind you (along with all the tire smoke).
Any change at all to this car would be a crime against humanity. 2001 was a moment in history and this car is the physical embodiment of that moment.
Buy the ’89 Jack Nicholoson Joker suit and have a ball!
TVR had a stunning range of cars around Y2K, all macho sports cars with excess power and no driver aids, which even then was a smallish market so there mustve been a lot of cannibalisation of sales amongst the various models.
The Tuscan looked great, but I preferred the muscular elegance of the Cerbera, and the absolute craziness of the Sagaris.
https://tvrcarclub.de/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/TVR-Cerbera-9.jpg
http://carsshmoo.s3-eu-central-1.amazonaws.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/05192607/IMG_77401.jpg
But this car has potential. It’s just the color scheme that screems. If you really want to re-live 2001 as a “moment in history” get a pontiac aztec.
Why not both?