Somehow, over about the past year or so we’ve written about really dumb things to do with batteries. First, Jason revived his Changli, but not before chainsawing out the little vehicle’s old lead-acid batteries. Look, don’t do that. Really, don’t do most of the things you see on this website. That includes today’s story from Lewin about this fella in Africa who performs open cell surgery on car batteries.
As a number of readers have pointed out, there are legitimate reasons you may need to modify a battery, such as in the event that you cannot find a proper 6-volt battery for a classic car. However, whatever you do, try to protect yourself at least a little better than a man who puts on Crocs as safety gear before cutting open a battery. It’s probably also not very good to leave the contents of a battery on your skin for too long.
For a personal story, I have experience with this very thing. I was a sort of stupid kid and took explosion warnings on batteries as a challenge. One time, I tossed a pack of batteries into a fire. They blew up, leaving me with a 1-inch scar near a wrist and another 2-inch scar on one of my arms. I still have those scars today, over two decades later. Batteries are serious stuff!
Stig’s Cousin noticed today’s battery Frankenstein likely has the scars to show for his work:
The scars on that man’s arm are enough warning to prevent me from ever messing with a car battery. I hope he at least uses some sort of eye protection. Safety squints aren’t adequate for a job like this.
Today, David wrote a story about how driving his girlfriend’s Lexus RX 350 was way cooler than he expected. Yes, David has a girlfriend! She’s real and I had the pleasure of meeting her before the whole deal became official. I do wonder if she knows about David’s previous life in Michigan. Does she know that he used to store alternators under trees and had milk that was practically old enough to vote?
GreatFallsGreen plays out a scenario:
“I was thinking spaghetti for dinner.”
“Great! I’ll go turn the shower on.”
“…what?”
“Er…set the table?”
Finally, our readers couldn’t resist the temptation to turn a totally serious article about the American Chocolate car brand into a joke thread.
Canopysaurus:
This used to be a thing. Surely you remember the Reese’s Peanut Butter Coupe, the York Peppermint Caddy, the Rolo Royce, and the Chrysler 5th Avenue?
Jack Beckman:
Not to mention the Mercedes $100,000 car.
Rad Barchetta:
You’re gonna need a big Payday to afford one of those. Probably King Size.
I’d like to add:
Ferrari Caramello
Mazda3Musketeers
BMW M&M3
Mustang 5.Oh Henry
Fantastic! Have a great evening, everyone.
(Correction: A reader has pointed out that our original headline and topshot were probably in poor taste. In hindsight, they are right. We have changed both and apologize for any disrespect. It was not intentional.)
(Topshot: Speakman)
Batteries can be very dangerious. Glad that you were not injured more seriously Mercedes.
About 40 some years ago I was asked by a neighbor to help jump off his car. As I was looking at his battery and examining the cables, he made the final jumper cable connection. My face was literally two feet away from the battery top. The top of his battery literally blew off (like the photo in the article), and missed hitting my face, by a whisker. It sounded like a bomb went off. My ears were ringing for a day or two.The top of the battery put a huge dent in his hood, then landed on top of his carport.
I went into my apartment, stripped and jumped in the shower asap. For like a half hour. Was covered in the acid from head to toe. When I washed my acid soaked clothes, they came out of the dryer with hundreds of tiny dime sized holes everywhere from the acid eating the material.
My neighbor was apologetic for the explosion, but never admitted to doing anything to cause the explosion that resulted. Not sure he even understood how to connect the cables correctly.
But I learned a good lesson that day. And have a healthy respect for what can happen despite good intentions to help someone out. Shit happens. And sometimes we are blessed that the damage is limited.
I will never be witty enough make brilliant comments like the spaghetti one. Pure genius.
Thanks Mercedes! And also to Canopysaurus and Beckman for the setup!
I missed the original headline and topshot… now I REALLY want to see it!! 🙂
If it weren’t for bad taste we’d have no taste at all….. gloom despair and agony on me.
I like this headline photo more than the last. Since this is a long running joke, imagine what new visitors are thinking LOL!!
Also there’s this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BPAHs_pl9I
It’s funny, Blippi even looks a little like DT.
With all due respect, but I find the choice of headline and picture to be disrespectful and maybe even cruel to the unknown individual in the video. I know that this is not your intention at all. But it’s my perception of it.
I can’t tell if this is a joke …
That is a fair point! We apologize to the man and to you while also correcting the post.
For a bit of a personal journey, I used to play with batteries as a kid. I used to cut them open, throw them into fires, and do everything the warning labels say not to do. One day in 2003, one of those “experiments” went wrong as a pack of batteries blew up a couple of feet from me. Earned a burn near a wrist and another on an arm. Both are scars that remain on me today. I often retell these stories in a more lighthearted manner, pointing out that it’s fun, but dangerous to mess around with batteries. Maybe that’s why I didn’t see the topshot as particularly offensive.
Either way, we totally see your point and have changed it.
No apology necessary, it’s all good. I value the fact that constructive criticism is appreciated around here.