Good morning! On today’s Shitbox Showdown, we’re living life a quarter-mile at a time and looking at a couple of drag racers. One is ready to go, but its owner can’t get in and out of it anymore, and the other needs a powerplant before it can go anywhere.
But first, let’s check in on yesterday’s funny-looking entries. The voting was close, and the general consensus was that either one is an interesting project. It’s not that the 200SX was not worthy; it’s just – you know.
Personally, I could more or less flip a coin and choose between the two. Yeah, that’s kind of a cop-out answer, but I’ve had a long day and I’m tired. All right fine – I’ll choose. I’ll take the Pacer.
I’m writing this from the surprisingly nice Little America Hotel & Resort in Cheyenne, Wyoming. My wife and I are on Phase 2 of our big cross-country move, and it was a long day in the car. At one point we both definitely had a “Murtaugh moment.” Sometimes, you just have to admit that you’re getting too old for this shit. The seller of one of today’s cars comes out and says as much, and the other one strongly implies it. Are you too old for these shitboxes? Let’s take a look and see.
1979 Ford Pinto – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: 350 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Odometer reading: unknown
Operational status: Runs and drives great, but not street legal
The tradition of turning small economy cars into quarter-mile missiles goes way back to the beginnings of drag racing. Fiat Topolinos and Ford Anglias got chopped up by the dozens and had humongous engines shoved into them, all in the name of dragstrip glory. It stands to reason, then, that a ’70s rear-wheel-drive economy car would excel in that capacity as well.
This little Ford Pinto has had its four-cylinder engine removed and replaced by a Chevrolet small-block and a Turbo-Hydramatic 400 automatic, a time-honored drag racing combination. The seller didn’t build this car, it doesn’t sound like, and so doesn’t have a whole lot of information about the engine. They do say it runs great, and “WANTS TO GOGOGO.”
Inside, it’s gutted, of course, with nothing but a steering wheel, a bank of toggle switches, and a B&M ratchet-type shifter to occupy the driver’s attention. It also has a full roll cage, and therein lies the seller’s problem – they have a bad back, and can’t wriggle in and out of the car around the side bars. The car needs a more limber driver.
Obviously, it’s a one-trick pony, so to speak – it’s not street-legal, so you’ll need a trailer. With some work, you could probably put it back on the road, but if you did that you’d have to procure a title for it, which isn’t necessary for a race-only car.
1970 Plymouth Duster funny car – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: Nothing but a rear axle
Location: Tucson, AZ
Odometer reading: Don’t think it has one
Operational status: Strictly lawn art
I have to confess: I love funny cars. Especially the ’70s ones like this. The exaggerated proportions, the bright paint jobs, the decals on the front that look like a grille and headlights, the big slicks in back – it’s like all my favorite Hot Wheels and model kits from when I was a kid, only bigger.
Just so we’re clear: there is no 1970 Plymouth Duster in this car. It is a custom tube chassis, wrapped in a fiberglass body. Unlike the later “flip-top” funny cars, this car’s body doesn’t lift up as one piece. It has a driver’s door, and I believe a flip-forward nose. There’s nothing under that hood at the moment; this car used to run a 440 V8 and probably a built Torqueflite automatic, but right now it’s powerless.
It sure looks the part, with its Centerline wheels and that impossibly long front end. Look hard enough at this picture and you can almost hear that big-block crackling at idle, shaking the ground as the car lines up for a run. That is, if you look past the weeds and the broken pavers strewn about it.
It would take just the right sort of buyer to see the potential in this car and want to return it to its dragstrip days. I know I’m not that sort of buyer; however, if I had unlimited funds and a place to put it, I’d be tempted to buy it just so I could say “I own a funny car.” Because let’s be honest – that would be cool as hell.
One of the items on my car bucket list is to take a pass down a dragstrip. I don’t even really care in what; I just want to try it. One of these is ready to try it right away, but it doesn’t quite look the part. The other one looks amazing, but it’s a long way from the starting line. Which one would you choose?
Image credits: Craigslist sellers
I bet with some creative lightening, you could turn the Pinto into a wheelie machine.
Maybe I’ve been watching too much Roadkill, but I could see turning the funny car into something cool. Needs a 426 Hemi. I live in Florida, so I could get it “street legal” pretty easily.
Pinto. I’m looking at the metal seat frame in the Duster, looking outside at the 95 degree day, looking back to the metal.
It’s been a dream of mine to buy a car that’s absolutely screaming for a V8 (like the funny car) and swap a boosted 4cyl into it
I was thinking a blown Slant Six
Not that I’d drop $5k on it, but could the Pinto be turned into a street freak? Road legal with more show and still plenty of go? The “Duster” looks the part from 50ft, but you’d have to live in the right neighborhood to drop that on your lawn.
Pinto for me as it at least runs. That engineless Plymouth is just worth scrap to me and is barely worth $500 let alone $5000.
The Pinto is also overpriced, but not as badly.
As a drag racer for over a decade, way back when, I’d pick the Pinto of the two, the Arrow will be a re-certification nightmare at most tracks and it’s not even a real period correct funny car. I’d definitely need to know more about them both, a lot of money can be wasted here in a blink of an eye.
What’s going on with oppo? I get 502 bad gateway WTF?
opposite-lock.com
Me too!
Put a minimally sized battery in the nose and a honking electric motor on the axle and give that yellow POS the beans!
Nope.
Drag cars are for people that can’t make a turn.
I’d rather walk, thank you.
Pinto. Upgrade the suspension, put some Toyo Proxes tires on 17x8s at all four corners, and light up the local parking lot autocrosses.
If I manage to save up a few bucks, throw an Edelbrock supercharger under the carb, take it down to Australia, say “Hi” to Lawrence and Lewin, and then head off to the nearest burnout competition.
The Pinto reminds me of a Mustang II drag car. Stuffed with an oversized motor, “Pray Hard” is emblazoned on each side.
It’s absolutely stupid, but I love it
The Little America in SLC is nicer than the one in Cheyenne, but the Cheyenne one is where we staying during our very similar cross-country move in 2019 from the PNW to Michigan. Safe travels Mark!
I’m having trouble with 5k for something that’s cool but unpowered. Pinto by default.
1. Vote Pinto.
2. Buy Pinto.
3. Remove wheelie bars (if present).
4. Add nitrous.
5. Add more nitrous.
6. Attempt backflip. That’s what roll cages are for, right?
7. Receive glory.
I like the cut of your jib…
How much of the nitrous is for the car, and how much is for… um, personal use?
Look, some people enjoy a snort now and then, and some people operate an unlicensed dental practice out of a windowless van. Who are any of us to judge?
The car does not have a cage; has a bar.
Leaves and slapper bars are never hooking hard enough for that, anyway.
You want to die in a Pinto or a Funny car? Not sure which obituary would be worse…
If you die in a funny car, do people laugh?
I will take the funny car, for reasons.
Can we just buy them both and send them to the great crusher in the sky?
Just call me Pintolio
Perhaps you need a parachute for your car’s bunghole?
Are you threatening me? o.O
“Kids are different today”
I hear every mother say
Mother needs something today
To calm her down
And though she’s not really ill
There’s a little yellow pill…….
5k for no engine? Wtf? Gotta go with the pinto.
well to be honest, the SBC in the pinto is probably a little questionable on value at this point as well. Neither of these should be more than 1,000 as they sit. BUT, even with that horrid yellow color, the Duster is still the more attractive car to look at. I am really surprised Birdsong has not already went and talked that guy down.
Go look into what chassis work costs, and you’ll see why it costs what it does.
The Pinto, regardless of what it says, does not look to have a full cage; it just has a 6-point bar. Nothing is shown of the funny car suspension, but the Pinto is just running slapper bars.
The Pinto is obviously the smarter choice, but if we’re going to be stupid, let’s go full stupid. I’ll have the funny car!
You know, you’re not wrong here. This sounds like a recipe for disaster, but I am here for it.
Oh yeah, it’d be terrible. But what fun!
I want to buy it, drop a drive train in, open headers of course. New pair of rear slicks.
Then just sit in my driveway doing burn outs and making smoke for an hour every day.
I love my neighbors…
HAHAHA!
It figures that a guy who goes by Col Lingus would be “that” guy 😉
OK, so hear me out. that funny car would be kind of funny to see powered by electricity. all that space up front for batteries, and steal the remnants of an ECopo Camaro to make a sub 9 second funny car?
It wouldn’t be what I would do, but I don’t hate it!
I’ll take the hellish design on the right.
These scream Roadkill. I’ll take the pinto because it’s a running project at least
Indeed, both scream Dulcich and Birdsong. though the price would be the issue there.
Big neither on this one for me, but if one were to be given to me I would prefer the Pinto over the Funny car simply because it runs. I have no interest in either, but running beats a missing powertrain.
It’s a bit funny and a bit sad how far cars like these have been left behind by modern vehicles.
Imagine needing to build a non-street legal gutted Pinto to run 11s or whatever, when now any number of luxury cars and SUVs can do it while running the cooled seats and AC at full blast.
Stock 10,000 lb Hummer EV does it.
Was just thinking the same thing…..
In high school, if someone got a Mustang into the 12’s he was a local legend. Now you can do that off the dealer’s lot in a compact sedan.