Hello, dear reader, I have great news! You just successfully robbed a bank! You and all of your best buds managed to get 30 duffle bags of cash out of there while dressed up as the Ghostbusters. Congratulations, but now you need to put some distance between you and that vault. Unfortunately, the driver you hired didn’t quite do their job right and showed up in the worst possible vehicle. What are they driving?
The heist movie is a staple of Hollywood and if you like them like I do you’ve probably seen so many flavors of the same thing. Baby Driver is a pretty popular recent entry and features a skilled driver commanding a slick red Subaru WRX.
Triple Frontier is another one I like, not because of the plot or anything, but it’s one of a few heist movies that seemingly accurately depicts just how many bags you need to carry millions of dollars and just how heavy millions in cash actually are. The crew in that movie uses a sweet helicopter as a getaway vehicle, but the darn loot weighs so much that the chopper crashes from the load. I can’t comment on how fun the rest of the movie is, but that part alone is fascinating. Most movies just show the robbers carrying just a few bags after supposedly making off with “set for life” money.
Other movies have used memorable vehicles like an ambulance, the Mini Cooper, the BMW 7 Series, and the Chevy Impala. But, let’s flip that around. I want to know the exact wrong vehicle to use for a heist or some other reason you’d need to get out of Dodge quickly.
When I pitched this question to the Autopian crew Thomas was quick to answer with David’s old Nissan Leaf. On one hand, a Leaf is such a pedestrian choice that the cops would roll right by you without knowing. On the other hand, David’s Leaf had such bad range that you’d run out of juice while you were still in sight of the bank.
I also nominated David’s Project POStal. See, this is another vehicle the cops would never expect you to use for a heist. Nobody is going to care about a rusty former postal truck. Unfortunately, Project POStal also drove so poorly you’d probably end up getting pulled over for suspected drunk driving and then get caught. Maybe if you made the loot bags look like mail bags you’d still get away with it.
But, ultimately, I’d say the worst getaway car is probably a 2010s to early 2020s Hyundai or Kia product with a keyed ignition. With your luck, you would pop out of the bank to discover that some teenager stole your car using a USB cable. Second to that would be a Volkswagen product, because you don’t want to go into limp mode while the 5-0 are on your tail.
What do you think is the worst possible getaway car? What’s going to get you caught in record time?
Topshot GIF: Babydriver via YouTube
The Lane Museum’s own 1932 Helicron’s only benefit as a getaway car would be the amazing eye witness statements.
The Peel P50, I’m not even convinced your pursuer would need a vehicle of their own and not just run up and tip you over.
But to steer back to a more conventional vehicle, I’d say the Citroen C3 Pluriel, specifically with the SensoDrive AMT because I don’t know what getaway car could be worse than one that I’d actively pull over and abandon because driving it is so horrid.
My first actual new car was an ’86 Dodge Colt. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the GT with the Turbo. This was the most gutless car I’d ever driven. I had an old VW Bug that out performed the Colt. Oh, and it ate timing belts.
Bugatti Veyron , at top speed it only has 50 miles of range then you need to refill it and it needs about $50,000 worth of tires. If you’re lucky you send the wheels back to France and they change the tires, but they can only do that once, the second time you need a new set of wheels..
That makes it way worse than a Nissan leaf doesn’t it?
Unless it happens to be an extremely niche situation and the diminutive size becomes an advantage, a Suzuki Mighty Boy would be a terrible choice.
The Boy only has room for driver and a passenger, and would be lucky to carry five duffel bags at best.
With 20hp on a good day, you’d be lucky to even climb a slight incline since you would have exceeded the GVM with all that loot.
Plymouth Volare.
They were a layer cake of malaise and vapor lock with rust-bubble frosting.
Geo Metro.
In the words of Ned Flanders… “I Cant! Its a GEO”
Limp Mode is not limited to VAG products, but I get the stereotype. Probably the worst getaway car would be a Smart Car. No room for loot, only 2 robber per, they are stupid slow and seen so infrequently these days that they stick out like a sore thumb.
Don’t give Mercedes any ideas
What do you think is the worst possible getaway car? What’s going to get you caught in record time?
Any old British sports car: No room for loot and it won’t start when you REALLY need it to.
[looks at this article]
[looks at photo for Lewin’s post below]
Well, there’s your answer.
Fisker Ocean… it’s not the Ocean you want in your heist.
A Th!nk City would be pretty useless, especially the first gen with 12 kWh NiCd battery, 36hp motor and (optimistic) 48km range.
peugeot 1007 1.4L diesel 70 hp with 2 tronic robotized gearbox:
– the sliding electric doors will be stuck in the half-open position with an aggressive warning bell
– the trunk is almost as spacious as the glove box
– this 1300kg city car is a dramatically under-powered anchor
– the cylinder head gasket is probably dying and the egr valve is clogged
– The robotized gearbox, as long as it is not broken down, is deliriously slow … after finally deciding which gear to engage following several brainstorming meetings between the gears (with various PowerPoint that do not work, flipcharts and half-dry markers)
– The faulty electronics will put it in degraded mode in the event of “strong acceleration”, when overtaking a bus uphill on a two-way street
– It will definitely break down after 2 miles, in the middle of a busy intersection with the radio impossible to turn off, even with the ignition off, playing ridiculous music with the sound at maximum
https://youtu.be/XRu3dcMlC3E?si=PlxiadCETRa5HY0J
’69 Chevy Impala: She eventually gets it headed in the right direction. But first she hasta knock Doc McCoy on his butt.