Unless your only car is a BAC Mono, you’ll probably be driving around passengers at some point. After all, cars get greener when multiple people are onboard, splitting gas costs is a great way to make road trips cheaper, and hitching a ride is way nicer than putting up with North America’s lackluster public transit system. However, as every passenger knows, everyone’s car has specific rules, and you probably have a list for yours. Hell, I certainly have a list for mine.
Admittedly, passenger rules evolve depending on the car you’re driving. It’s easy to eat in a beater, but beaters might have rules like “don’t touch the window switch” or “don’t worry about that vibration” because of how stuff ends up broken during the perpetual cycle of neglect that eventually puts a car’s value down below $2,000. Likewise, it’s easy to be obsessive over new cars, but everyone has a different level of tolerance.
It should go without saying that many rules exist because something bad happened in the past, so most of the rules in my cars are based around safety or preventing problems. I’d like to think my list is short, but it could also make me sound terrible, so you be the judge.
- I choose the music
- No food because I hate crumbs
- If anyone needs a drink, I’m pulling over, because water takes ages to dry out of carpet underpadding
- No closing of doors with frameless windows by placing fingers on the glass
- Luggage must be secured for safety reasons
- No smoking
- No feet on the dashboard
- Everyone must be buckled in
- Don’t be a twat
Most of those rules are probably fairly reasonable and normal, but then again, who am I to assume what is normal, when I could just ask our wonderful readers? So, what rules do you have in your car?
(Photo credits: Toyota)
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No Smoking. No shoes on the dash. Don’t kick the back of my seat.
It’s a car, enjoy the ride.
Seatbelts and don’t touch my glass….oh and no feet on the dash. My wife and I have the rule of driver chooses the music.
Some rules for my teenagers…
You asked for a lift, I’m sitting outside in a running car. Get into the f**king car.
Stop trying to show me some shite on your phone screen, I’m driving.
Don’t text me about where to pick you up, I’m driving.
No food or drinks.
No animals.
Don’t touch the glass.
Seatbelts or I won’t move.
“No animals.”
Not even cats? What if I have to take my cat to the vet and I need you to help me out??
Like I’d even be friends with a cat person! 😉
No smoking.
Seat belts on.
No shoes on dash. They gouge the dash pad.
No foods that can stain. I can sweep up crumbs.
Everyone better behave themselves.
No drunks.
• Buckle up!
• Do not put open lids in the “bottle holders” in the rear doors (they’re not very good at keeping anything upright)
• In my Altima, do not kick the exposed PCM or wires to it (it’s out of the way, but accessible)
Mine is somewhat short, though rule 1 might be 2-3 rules depending on interpretation.
1. The vehicle does not roll on public roads unless every occupant is buckled and sitting in a position where all restraint systems will work as intended (head up, feet down).
2. No smoking.
3. I hold the right to veto or request any song, at any time, for any reason.
4. Be nice.
Mostly “keep your hands to yourself” but my kids never listen
I’ve gotta say: I’ve read all the comments so far. The majority of them come off as rude, demanding and self centered.
It’s just a car people!
Ease up a bit.
Easy to say for a taco truck driver
Cars are a mechanism of freedom.
I have no hard-and-fast rules that apply here.
I guess… if you’re a hitchhiker, I might ask you to put your hatchet in the trunk before I unlock the doors.
Don’t worry. You’ll get it back when I drop you off.
(This has happened to me. Twice.)
Being as I am, apparently, the only actual Old Hippie here:
Gas, grass, or ass, no one rides for free!
We (my cadre) grew up hitch-hiking. It was a life style. I hitched about halfway around the US border once, but Texas (my state of birth) scared the hell out of me and my found-on-the-road hitching buddy, so we bagged it and went back to Oregon. I’ve hitched all over northern Mexico and enjoyed the hell out of it–same for the north island of New Zealand.
As payback, we always picked up hitchers–within reason. That guy with the swastika carved into his forehead? Just nope.
I rarely had a bad ride or picked up a bad rider–I mean, it did happen, but that’s life.
Anyhow, this is about the rules.
Other than the first thing I posted above, WEAR YOUR DAMN BELTS! I don’t need to get pulled over because, well, FREEDUMB!
No smoking anything I’m not smoking. Period. I know the roads, I know the cops. Same goes for drinking.
If I tell you something, it sticks. The reason I said not to put the drink on the dash of the rig is because, well, now it’s spilled all over the place. Like I said it would.
Most importantly, I’m the one driving and this is my rig! If you have advice about my driving, keep it to yourself. If you don’t like anything about the ride, well, walking is still a way to get around.
OTOH, wrenching tips are always appreciated! Hitchers have helped me out of bad spots more than once.
Why do I keep going back to hitch-hikers? My friends know me too well to get in a rig with me.
My brain read this with Clint Eastwood’s voice.
Fantastic!
That made my day.Hilarious
I’m not a real Clint, but I do play one on TV!
Now you know how old I am….
Buckle up, if you’re under 18 (that would go on MY license). If you’re over 18, buckle up but I won’t enforce it (the fine will be yours).
Don’t slam the door on the damn seatbelt. The latch tongue will dent my car. (I’ve never had a car whose seatbelts rewind properly, except the new truck where it worked for a few months.)
No smoking (though never had anyone try).
Don’t bitch that I stop if the light has gone yellow.
Get in.
Sit down.
(Buckle up).
Shut up.
Hold on.
Buckle
I have the say on skipping or not skipping songs
Eat and drink at your own risk
No smoking
No complaints about the driver
If you won’t talk turn the music up
All music must be older than 2010 and newer than 1900 unless folk music
If your vent is too hot/cold… turn it away from you and everyone else… if that doesn’t solve it ask for a change… never turn a vent off
Do as I say, not as I do
No Barry Manilow. No Kenny G. No Yanni.
That’s about it.
But Björk is okay, right?
Only her weird stuff.
Driver controls radio.
If you are going to watch youtube/tik tok/ fb reels/ wahatever on your phone, you’d better be wearing headphones, lest your phone end up on the side of some back country pa road being eaten by a deer.
Dont’ touch shit.
Don’t complain that you don’t like the a/c blowing in your face and then redirect the vents to point at me. Just close the bloody vent off.
Don’t talk shit.
Don’t moan about my car. Don’t tell me you know a better route.
Don’t be nosey.
Don’t go rummaging through the glovebox, door pocket, centre console, ANYWHERE.
Just shut the fuck up, keep your hands in your pockets and agree with me when I say the other drivers are fucken idiots.
1) You will be expected to help push.
me irl
1) No feet on the dash. Because it’s gross, and because airbags will drive your feet through your face in an accident, bending your knees backwards in the process. Messy and unpleasant.
2) no loose squeaky/rattly things in the trunk or elsewhere. As the former dealership squeak/rattle/wind noise and water leak specialist, that stuff drives me nuts.
3) no liquid dairy products or things that make crumbs in the car. I have removed many entire interiors for customer milk spills in my dealership days and I’m never doing it on my own car, for free.
4) no hitting the dashboard with candy bars or anything else. A shattered dashboard is coming out of your pocket, and you don’t want to pay for it, trust me.
5) we are not tying down the huge, wind-catching thing of yours on the roof of the car or in the bed of the truck if there’s any chance the wind will rip it off on the highway and endanger other drivers and/or damage my vehicle.
6) As the driver, I get veto on the music/radio channel.
7) everyone wears seatbelts
8) don’t smoke in my car, no open containers, no drugs. We all want to go home unscathed if we get pulled over.
I’m guessing for #5 that you meant to write that we *are* tying down… One of my rules is that if anyone thinks an item needs another ratchet strap, it gets it. Straps are cheap.
No, to be clear:
We are not tying it down, because it is NOT going in or on my vehicle. It is staying on the side of the road where it was found.
🙂
Ha!! Good point.
Hmmm, this is very much dependent on the fact that my car is a very rough condition 1985 Mercedes 300D
Rule 1: shut your door harder this time
Rule 2: No complaining about the wind noise – the A/C doesn’t work. Or the fan. Or the heat. Just no complaining.
Rule 3: We don’t talk about the danger seat with a significant bit of floor missing.
Rule 4: If you ride with me, you have to choose at least one song along the way
Rule 5: You must listen to my narration of all of the various quirks
Rule 6: have fun
My ex used to suck air in through her teeth and stomp her foot where the brake pedal would be in the passenger seat whenever she saw a brake light or someone changing lanes without signalling, and it would freak me out every time.
This was my father. I eventually found it funny.
My wife does this for various reasons. She also clutches whatever she can grasp like she’s gunna somehow hold herself from being thrown from the car or something.
My wife has been doing this for 50 years. We both agree that it is pointless!
Everyone seems to have covered the basics, so I’ll add one of my oddball ones: Absolutely NO styrofoam coolers anywhere inside the car (including the trunk, if there is one). I’m not spending the duration of the trip listening to ‘eEeEeeeEEeeeEeeee…eeEE.e.eeeeeeEEE’ the whole time.
I aboslutely LOL’d at this, thank you!
No full-size umbrellas in the front seat or footwell. I’ve been telling everyone that in case I’m in a crash, the umbrella’s gonna spear you like a harpoon.
Also no large bags on front seat passenger laps. Your face is supposed to crash into an airbag, not your duffel bag.
Most have been covered by other posters, but here’s my biggest ones:
The driver is the captain of the vessel and what they say is the law, with very few exceptions. As such they control environmental & audio. They will not be physically touched.
None of our vehicles are pristine showroom items. They’re cars. But they are substantial investments and need to be treated with care and consideration.
Having raised kids (now young adults) I’m fine with food/drink, but keep it under control please. You’re an adult, act like one. And if you spill and or otherwise make a mess, you’re gonna be the one cleaning it up. And you will lose food/drink privileges if you don’t.
If you’re shotgun you’re responsible for navigation and checking Google Maps traffic (if needed).
Everyone will be buckled up. I very much prefer you do not put your feet on the dashboard because I care about you and I want you to be able to walk in the event an airbag deploys. Yes, I will describe mechanisms of injury in graphic detail to you if you insist on keeping your feet on the dash.
Don’t slam the doors, glovebox, etc. Nothing in the car needs that much force.
If I choose to have fun with an on ramp, nice corner, etc. – just enjoy the ride.
Yes, my partner is responsible for the hard copy Google directions on our road trips. However the GPS has been making his life easy as coverage improves.
If you poop in the woods, make sure it isn’t on your shoe before getting back in the car (yes that has happened).
For the toddler:
If you are going to puke, try to let us know beforehand so we can get a bag out, or even pull over and get you out first.
If we are offroading, even at 2 mph, and mom is out spotting/walking and not holding onto you (we decided at ~7 months that mom is better at preventing whiplash than a carseat at low speeds offroad), do not try to climb out the passenger window onto the roof. Actually, don’t even try that when we are not driving.