As you may have heard, our beloved Jason’s heart exploded last month and it took the doctors something like 10 hours to put enough RTV on it to get it running right again. The good news is he’s finally home from the hospital and getting some much-deserved rest as his body tries to recover from having his ribs cracked open like a Christmas chestnut. Side note: Is that where the word chestnut comes from? I’m not going to look it up.
We’re not quite sure how long it’ll take to get Jason back on these pages regularly, but he’s on Slack and vigorously chatting with all of us from the comfort of his bed. Thank you, of course, to all of you who supported Jason in this surprise endeavor. We all greatly appreciate it and I will reward you with a cute picture of Jason recovering with his dog very soon.
But Jason needs your help again! You see, he can’t work (did you hear that Jason? No working!) and yet his mind is pretty much all there. Or, well, as there as it ever was. The one wrinkle is that his doctor prescribed him a bunch of serious painkillers and anti-seizure meds because, if I had to guess, they put a scar the size of a Jeep Grand Wagoneer down his center.
He is, in his own words, pretty high. He has earned this high by not dying. Since he can’t work and his brain is levitating about two feet above his bed, the one thing he can do is watch stuff. What should Jason watch while completely zonked out?
I suggested that he should watch all the Fast and the Furious movies in the correct canonical order (as opposed to the cinematic release order). What do you think he should check out?
Ok, here’s a picture of Jason recuperating at home as a reward for your help.
Torch is just in the middle of his metamorphosis into a David Tracy jeep.
Get well, Jason!!
Wait! I know this one. Torch should watch the all the autoplay videos that can’t be disabled on this site.
For some reason the first movie that came to mind is Zardoz. I feel like a mustachioed Sean Connery in underwear is what Jason needs.
Zardoz of course. Meet the Feebles for the deranged muppets. Zombeavers… VelociPastor… do I need to explain this? Even Dwarfs Started Small because Herzog. Retardead + Monsturd (double feature ofc). Los Enchiladas because Hedberg.
Screw it. Just (re)watch Twin Peaks.
Edit: Crap should this be car themed? Duel. Repo Man. Meet the Feebles (did I mention the sex crazed, deranged muppets?). Ashes to Ashes (it’s got a UrQuattro, need I say more?). The Saint (not the one with the C70).
H. R. Puffenstuff, as it makes much more sense while whacked out on painkillers.
Well if you’re going that route…
Teletubbies.
•Buffalo ’66
•Gummo
•There Will Be Blood
Wait…
those are high up on my list of movies not to watch on drugs.
I’m getting confused here…
Nothing too funny. Torch’s ribs aren’t going to like serious laughs even if he’s doped up. Mildly amusing maybe, but chuckles are as much as he’ll want.
I second the Star Wars Holiday Special. Best thing about it is that it exists only as bootleg copies that retain the ads from the original airing, a peek into a lost world of fake-wood paneled Mercury station wagons, union-made underwear and calling long distance after 9pm to save money.
Red Dwarf made me laugh a lot when I was young and high.
I would also like to say that a streaming service with all of the suggestions from the comments here is one I would legitimately consider paying for.
Boys from the Dwarf!
Why watch Fast and Furious when you could watch Superfast?
My name is Goblin and I approve this message
Michele Soavi’s Dellamorte Dellamore (also known as “Cemetery Man”), if it can be sourced in good quality (usually the DVD is a straight port from VHS, lines and all).
Then, he’ll be qualified to use the universal expression “GNA !!!”
Then, Dredd (not Judge Dredd – just Dredd. The good one).
Watch this:https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099740/
Then watch random crap on YouTube.
Years ago when I was in cardiac rehab there were lots of people mostly 45+ with real cool scars and they moved around OK without bursting, even lifting weights. I think over time you’ll be OK, as the younger folks were pretty active.
How is that dog’s breath? I have an old, once red, minpin and I think the digestive system is short with few bends, I prefer the cat sitting on me stealing my breath.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, so long as he has enough ether and the lizards aren’t too aggressive.
I’m going with Princess Bride. I rewatched that for the first time in years last week and it’s hilarious sober, I would imagine it’s insanely entertaining when high!
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas seems appropriate.
Shouldn’t need ‘pain killers by now. I just had heart surgery and was off them in 3 days, maybe a few Tylenol. It’s being miserable for 3-4 weeks and suddenly life looks much better.
If you’re trying to drift off for a nap, How It’s Made puts me to sleep in about 5 minutes.
That and classic Clarkson-era Top Gear are my go-tos when I’m sick in bed.
I don’t know if this is universal, but I put off getting some wisdom teeth pulled for way too long. Tried to make an appointment with an oral surgeon but they were three weeks out and I didn’t think I could make it.
So I convinced my dentist to do it. He literally had his foot on my chin trying to pull the teeth with what I assume were slip-jaw pliers (I didn’t look).
I was in worse pain from the procedure than I had been from the teeth. He prescribed me nothing, so I went begging pain meds from family and friends. Nothing stonger than percocet but I’m a lighweight in this area so they whacked me out.
I watched Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back and it was the funniest movie I had ever seen.
I haven’t seen many movies on opiods, but my only vote needs to go to that film because it is my only real relevant experience.
Beyond that, I’d recommend everything Wes Anderson has ever made. That includes Asteroid City, which I have seen twice and still don’t fully understand. Beyond that, go to anything Tim Burton has done. You’re in a prime position to accept any ridiculous alternative world as reality, which should make you super receptive right now.
Stay strong, We’re pulling for you and we can all wait. Don’t rush. Get well. We love you, fu**er. (If you don’t know what I meant there, reduce dosage – SLIGHTLY.)
Is that the same “dentist” who works on your Renault Fuego?
I’m gonna give some more lighthearted trippy recommendations than I’m reading in the comments. Though I agree with many of them, I don’t think dark or car themed movies are the way to go.
Gotta take it easy. Take your mind off work and laugh a little (not too heartily mind you).
My list:
•Isle of Dogs
•The Fifth Element
•Labyrinth
•Up
•Everything Everywhere All at Once
•Jojo Rabbit
•Moonrise Kingdom
•Amélie
•Pee-wee’s Big Adventure
Maybe a little Bob Ross, The Joy of Painting if you’re trying to fall asleep.
Lighthearted? Jojo Rabbit?
Ha, the part where he sees his mom **spoiler** is so lighthearted. I’ll admit its whimsical and entertaining because it’s told from the perspective of a young boy, but it’s still a frightening story of societal brainwashing and one lonely boy’s realization of that.
The others are fun recommendations.
One lonely boy’s recognition and overcoming of that societal brainwashing in the end though.
Because he had a real friend that could guide him through the bullshit.
You’re right. Jojo Rabbit is an extremely dark comedy.
It doesn’t belong on that list.
Definitely not lighthearted.
I’m gonna have to replace recommendation number six on that list with…
•Three Amigos
“He’s so famous, he’s IN-famous!”
Good choice
Coen brothers marathon! Their catalog is pretty broad and deep, and I think their weird sense of humor would appeal to high Jason.
Might want to give Barton Fink a pass though. I think that one might be a bit too surreal and unsettling while chemically enhanced. But who knows maybe Torch is into that.
O Brother, Where Art Thou would be a fine choice.
The Big Lebowski not so much because… well… Donny.
Fine, then Fargo. Wait.. no. Millers Crossing?
Nope.
•The Hudsucker Proxy
•Raising Arizona
perhaps.
As a chainsaw connoisseur I think Jason would appreciate Fargo.
I think you’re thinking of a wood chipper, not a chain saw.
I’m not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your policework there, Lou
I’d go for A Serious Man.
I wasn’t very impressed with that one when it came out. Might be worth a rewatch now that my perspective has shifted, fourteen years later.
Boohbah
Jason likely already checked his brain at the back door when he came home, so I suggest watching SpaceBalls. Also, Hotel International with W.C. Fields, George Burns and Gracie Allen. When he is feeling up to a bit more of a challenge, all of the Marx Brothers movies.
Bad Boy Bubby?
Touch of Evil with Orson Welles is a great car flick, noir and campy. Check it out.
All of the original Twilight Zone episodes in order.
Speed Racer. That movie was made for drugs Or maybe it was made on drugs. Whichever the case – Speed Racer Plus, it’s also fourteen thousand hours long, so you’ll be fully recovered by the time it’s over.