Good morning! I’m on the road again, on the final leg of our big cross-country move. No trailer this time; we’re riding in comfort in my dad’s old Chrysler 300, a sleek V8-powered cruise missile that absolutely gobbles up the miles. But we do have passengers: our three black cats named Mystery, Creepy, and Spooky. Since I’m doing the driving on this run, my wife Erika chose today’s cars – one from our starting point in Portland, and one from where we have stopped for the night.
So yes, one more car from Portland after all. Friday’s choices represented the two cars I most associate with our now-former home: One that represents the scruffy charm of the city as it was, and one that has infested every parking lot like an invasive weed. And naturally, you all picked the wrong one. But that’s all right; I just present ’em. You choose the winners.
I used to describe Portland traffic with just five words: “There’s always some f–ing Subaru.” Whether it’s merging at 45 MPH, taking six tries to parallel park, or tailgating you when there’s an empty lane next to you, chances are if a car is causing trouble in traffic, it’s powered by the beauty of all-wheel-drive. But like I said, it’s your choice.
I’m going to reveal a tiny bit of inside baseball about this column: It is as typo-free as it is due to the keen eye of my darling wife, Erika. She proofreads every edition to make certain I haven’t done something stupid. (The factual errors you can still blame on me; fact-checking isn’t in her repertoire.) But she isn’t always enthusiastic about the vehicles I choose, so she offered to pick the cars while we’re making this final cross-country trek. I don’t know if this was intentional or coincidental, but she chose two GM vehicles from the same year, offered for the same price. But that’s about all they have in common. Let’s take a look.
1996 GMC Yukon – $1,800
Engine/drivetrain: 5.7-liter overhead valve V8, four-speed automatic, part-time 4WD
Location: Gresham, OR
Odometer reading: 256,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
Obviously I can’t find fault with this choice. A GMT400-based Yukon? All the best bits of my truck and her truck all rolled into one? Hell yes. Strong, capable, comfortable, and reliable, these trucks are legends for a reason. They’re gas guzzlers, sure, but when it comes to bargain-basement transportation, there are worse sins.
Halfway through its run, the GMT400 platform got a massive facelift, with softened lines outside and a completely new interior. It’s much more car-like and luxurious than the hard square dash of the earlier versions. It’s still cheap GM plastic, but the seats are comfy, and the plastic stuff is more durable than it feels. At more than a quarter-million miles, this one looks halfway decent, but I’m guessing there are a few things that don’t work. But hey – eighteen hundred bucks.
It’s powered by the ubiquitous 350 small-block V8, in its final Vortec version, along with the standard-issue 4L60-E automatic. It also has the old-school manually-shifted transfer case, so putting it in 4WD is a nice satisfying lever-pull instead of a boring old button. It runs and drives well, according to the seller, and does great in the snow. (I can vouch for this; both our 4WD GM trucks are beasts when the weather turns bad.)
Tahoes, Yukons, and Suburbans used to be available with two different tailgate configurations (might still be, actually): the standard hatchback, with separately-openable glass, or barn doors. You don’t see many short-wheelbase Yukons/Tahoes with barn doors. The verdict is out on which one is the more practical option, but personally I like the barn doors. It looks like it would be easier to load, and there are no hold-open struts to wear out.
1996 Chevrolet Camaro – $1,800
Engine/drivetrain: 3.8-liter overhead valve V6, four-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Nampa, ID
Odometer reading: 168,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives, but might need a little work
I know why she picked this one: It’s purple. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Neither one of us is a huge fan of the fourth-generation “fat” Camaro, but they’re currently the cheap ones, especially the base model like this. This one is at least in the right age range, new enough to have the 3800 V6 instead of the old 3.4, but old enough to have the square headlights. Too bad it’s an automatic, but you can’t have everything.
The base-model Camaro and Firebird were all about cheap fun and looking cool without spending a lot on gas or insurance. As such, they’re built to a price, and it shows, especially in the interior. But like the Yukon, the plastic feels flimsier than it is. This one looks generally all right, but I bet the dashboard under that toupee is as cracked as desert hardpan.
Outside, the clearcoat is rapidly fleeing the scene, and the hubcaps are long gone. It looks all right with plain black steelies, I guess. And for the price, you can’t complain, I suppose. It doesn’t look banged-up, and Idaho isn’t known for rusty cars.
The seller says it runs and drives, but doesn’t elaborate. The air conditioning is broken, but in this price range that’s not uncommon. Strangely, they say the alternator pulley will need replacing “eventually.” I don’t get that; a pulley is pretty simple. It’s either straight, so the belt tracks straight and true on it, or it’s bent and chews up the belt. And the pulley on an alternator is usually the smallest one in the whole setup. How did they damage that one? Unless they mean the tensioner is going bad?
Beat-up old GM cars like these are all over the classifieds. Usually they’re pretty good deals, but you have to be willing to fix a few things, put up with some scruffiness, and have the right attitude – which is “don’t laugh; it’s paid for.” Which one of these old warriors is worth it to you?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
Regardless of the miles, that is one of the nicer GMT400s I have seen for sale recently (not counting the garage queen ones that sell on bringatrailer). That one is the obvious choice if you want an actual car to use.
The camaro would be a decent lemons candidate.
It’s not that I’m mesmerized by the barn doors of the Yukon, but that Camaro is beat. A little more dough & patience, and I’m sure you could get a better starter. If the Yukon is legit, it’s a deal.
Dude. If that Yukon were in my neighbourhood, it would already be in my driveway. My wife would be pissed at first, but then would see the versatility and reliability of one of the greatest vehicles ever built.
The Yukon.
I don’t have any use for a big ass gas-guzzler, but at least I wouldn’t look like an conspicuous meth dealier/use while driving it.
duh
Oh man, I’ve owned both of these, so I’m going Yukon. I have owned several 4th gen F-bodies, including a Z28 in that color, and while I liked them, the white barn door-equipped Tahoe I had was far more useful. If I still lived in the PNW, I would seriously be on my way to pick up that Yukon now.
Barn doors…auto win
The Yukon wins by default. It has the barn doors, which are fucking awesome!
The Camaro doesn’t even have T-Tops 🙁
If I had the money, the time, and the skill a F Body Camaro or Firebird is what I would want. That thing looks burnt to a crisp and it has the V6 so no to that though. Yukon all the way.
I already have a 276k mile 99 Tahoe – with barn doors! – in decent condition like that one, but there’s no such thing as too many GMT 400s. The V6 in the Camaro would leave me wanting more personally, and there’s already two LS Camaros in the stable.
I never, ever choose the truck, but that is just a stunning clean vehicle for 256k miles, and I do dig the barn doors.
Summer of ’01 I had a rental Camaro because some jag t-boned my brand new Jetta on the night of my wedding party (I wasn’t driving, my pal/bartender was) and it took all summer to fix it (I think if the car had been a year older, it would’ve been totaled). Anyway, that thing was fun, but only because of the droptop. With the automatic and a non-hellacious engine, it was less fun as a driver than the Jetta. So no, this beat-up hardtop isn’t getting my vote. I do dig the color.
The price of the Yukon is suspiciously low given the condition and 4wd. For this price, I would expect substantial rust and mechanical issues. I’ve seen beat up RWD Yukons with higher price tags.
I’m not quite calling BS on the Yukon, but I’m not convinced this is real. If this vehicle is accurately described it is one of the best deals I have seen on Shitbox Showdown. Obviously, I’m voting for it.
Yeah… the more I read on this, the more it sounds like the “$2000 Accord” scammer I dealt with when my last car finally died and I needed a way to get to work.
High mileage example of a model popular for being a cockroach of a car, but no signs of neglect or wear for those miles? (No rust in a snowy state) Pictures taken not in a personal space but on a public road? All very similiar to my scammer. Very sus.
My usual scam spotting efforts didn’t find anything (VIN search, reverse image search, and looking for similar vehicles for sale to see if these images came from a different ad). It is possible someone found this thing unlocked and took photos of it, but that doesn’t account for the photo of the truck parked in snow.
The one thing I found suspicious was the only contact information appears to be a Canadian phone number. Not evidence of a scam, but that strikes me as unusual for a truck that appears to have been in Oregon for some time (I found this vehicle in a google street view image dated 2022); my understanding is keeping a Canadian phone number long-term in the US can be impractical. I also find it odd that a truck everyone agrees is an excellent deal is still for sale 10 days later.
I was suspicious enough to waste half an hour trying to prove it is a scam, but I think it is probably someone who is not aware their vehicle should sell for more than $1800. It also could have obvious mechanical defects the ad didn’t disclose; I’m not sure why sellers do that, but they do.
That Yukon is almost too good to be true. It’d be listed for 5k around here (at least), especially in that sort of condition.
The Camaro is rough, but it probably would have fared better against literally anything else. 1800$ isn’t bad but… did you see the Yukon? It never stood a chance.
I need a blizzard beast for when I get called in to plow. The Yukon will fit that job, and for 1,800 bucks I don’t even care if the A/C works.
The Camaro would need to be a lot cleaner to win. It just looks like it was beat to death.
I’ll take Barney the Barn Door Yukon over the Barney colored Camaro.
No, barn doors have been gone for a long long time.
This Yukon for $1800 is the bargain of the year though. I’ve never rushed to press a vote button so quickly. 4×4, Vortec, and rust free for under $2000??? This truck would be $10K where I live.
I suspect a 3800-powered vehicle has never been thrashed this badly before in the voting and never will be again.
True, but the rest of the car is just terrible.
You are severely underestimating teenagers who can’t afford insurance and gas for a V8 Camaro.
I have no doubt we’ll see a thrashed 3800 again, but usually they are popular with the commenters.
Sorry, responded before finishing my first cup of coffee. Damn Mondays!
I don’t know about 10k with that many miles… but it is damn clean for the year and probably is above 5. In Michigan anyway.
I found a couple around $8K locally so $10 might be a bit of an exaggeration but it’s tough when there’s so few rust-free examples.
Yeah, this Yukon at 5k would have people fighting over it around here. But 8k is probably right.
Either the ad is suspect, or there’s something bad lurking in that Yukon. Or maybe for the first time ever the seller of an old Yukon doesn’t know the market for it? Maybe someone selling it from an estate?
Honestly, the Yukon has to be the greatest $1,800 vehicle I’ve ever seen for sale. That thing is absurdly clean!!
A v6 Camaro of this year (not even the slightly better 1998 fisheyes) vs anything that runs is going to be a runaway for the other car… except maybe a Yugo or Trabant, they’ll tie it.
Against this Yukon, this isn’t even fair.
I love purple but I went Yukon. Although I guess the Camaro could make a good Gambler or Hooptie X car.
I missed commenting on Friday, but as someone who moved from Portland to L.A. in 2008 I gotta say I very much appreciated the New Seasons & Music Millennium shout-outs that are O so perfect 🙂 Safe travels & good luck with whatever summer humidity you are moving to! and fwiw I woulda chosen the Volvo (today the -gasp- Yukon).
“Don’t laugh; it’s paid for.” I take it one step further with my 2004 Impala cop car: “Don’t laugh, it was free.”
A friend with lots of spare money to spend and a love for all things internal combustion bought 3 cop cars at a govt auction, just because. He banged up the one I ended up with doing a drunken J turn into a tree. I did end up buying a $400 parts car to fix the front end, so I guess not really free.
Yukon. I love pony cars but I can’t stand the fish eye Camaro. They’re just so ugly and they’ve aged like milk. I really don’t like any of the wedge shaped sports cars from this era, and in particular think the new edge Mustang is a visual crime. I also had a coworker in high school who had an SS from this era and he was insufferable.
Dude would not shut up about his damn Camaro and he worked needlessly hard and made the rest of us look bad. He was also like 5’6 and 130 pounds on a good day. As a result when managers snuck out early they’d usually leave him in charge and he was as annoying as you’d imagine. It sucked because any of us could kick his ass if we wanted to but we knew he’d go crying to management if we didn’t do what he said.
It was just like, damn dude…we’re fucking lifeguards at a country club where everyone knows how to swim. It’s not that deep! We’re trying to sneak beer out of the clubhouse, smoke weed in the parking lot, and get laid. Although I will say the last summer we worked there he redeemed himself a bit and got us all drunk when he was assigned to wait tables at the 4th of July party.
But anyway, I can’t with the fish eye Camaro. Ugly, pretty slow, most are automatics, and they remind me of that dude. Also a GMT400 is just good transportation. It’ll get you where you need to go and carry all your stuff in the process. My family had a Suburban of this era and I have fond memories of it as a kid. It was a cool metallic blue color.
Have you driven a 4th gen? I used to hate them until I bought one. Now I put ~400 miles a week on it as a daily. Sub 3k, V8, T56, T-tops. Cheap, comfortable adjacent car that gets ~20 mpg with 3 pedals? Sign me up.
Well crap. Now you got me going down that rabbit hole. My Mom had 4 boys in barely 4 years time. To keep sane she required us to be at the club pool by 10 am, and NOT to return home until dinner time at 6 pm. We had some great life guards when I was a kid. 1970. Two Viet Nam vets, and the brother of one vet had burned his draft card, and was hiding from the DOD for refusing to serve. We were treated to all the great FM music of the time over the pool’s PA system, and the guard’s own record collections.
They were also the swim team coaches. And we would ride in their cars to different meets, about 25 a season. Always got a minor buzz as they “smoked up” on the drive.
The best part was, they educated us about the war, and encouraged civil disobedience. Question Authority. etc. Don’t trust the Man, etc. Because of this influence any trust I had in the institutions at the time was destroyed forever. Probably a good thing in retrospect.
The locker rooms always reeked of weed, and beer. Good times. Thanks for the reminder.
That era of Camaro was just hard to look at. Couldn’t give me one for free.
3.8 is a good engine, but a V6 Camaro is just a disappointment, second strike against it is the automatic. Easy win for the Yukon this time.
Third strike is the paint. Not the color, which I actually like, but the condition.
Pretty sure this is gonna be as landslidey as it appears in the early going….
Easy. Yukon.
I had a Trans Am of that generation, and I had a lot of fun with it. However, mine was a WS6 with a 6-apeed. It wasn’t the best to drive, but without the V8 and the stick, there’s no reason to have one.
Maaaaaaybe if it was a convertible. But not a purple base model automatic.