I’m not going to lie, I find doing regular-series posts hard. I have no idea why; there’s something childish inside me that seems to feel once there’s something I’m “supposed” to do, part of me wants to rebel. You know, like an idiot kid. What’s wrong with me? Anyway, I’ve pushed past it, I’ve keyed in the random-number-generating program into the Commodore PET, find what page that number corresponds to in the 2005 book The World’s Worst Cars, written by Craig Cheetham, and then defend and redeem the car shown on that page, because I maintain that Mr.Cheetham has created a book not of The World’s Worst Cars, as the title claims, but rather of some of the World’s More Interesting Cars.
Oh, I should also mention that tomorrow I leave for Pebble Beach, where David and Beau and I will be doing all manner of fun car things and getting those fun car things on video and in stories, so I say this series will take a little hiatus until I get back. Okay? It’ll be fine, I promise, and there’s at least a 62% chance I’ll pick it right back up when I return!
Okay, let’s see what page the PET wants us to look at today, as it electronically does augury or whatever:
Page 243! Let’s see what that is in the book! And, remember, to avoid inadvertently and illegally re-publishing this book in random order, I’m no longer showing the full page spread:
The Proton Wira! So, I figured this day would come, when I would end up having to defend a car I really didn’t know much about, had no experience with, and didn’t really have much of an opinion about. The Wira is definitely that; it’s a Malaysian version of a Mitsubishi Lancer, fundamentally, with some styling and detail changes. It’s not a particularly interesting car, and my main complaint about this book has been that it’s really not a collection of The World’s Worst Cars, as the title claims, but rather seems to be a collection of Some Very Interesting Cars, though in this case I really can’t say that about the Proton Wira like I could about an Amphicar or the Maserati Biturbo or NSU Ro80 or Oldsmobile Toronado.
So, I went into this thinking my job may prove much harder than normal, but as I read what our boy Craig Cheetham wrote about the car and why he decided to include it in a compendium of The World’s Worst Cars, I realized that, no, this is not hard to defend. Once again, Craig is wrong.
Here’s what Craig says about the Wira:
“Built in Malaysia, the Wira was exported to the UK South Africa and Australia, where did achieved moderate success as an attractively priced and spacious saloon. Reliability was good and most are still going strong, so why is it in this book?
Quite simply it’s one of the most soulless, bland and dynamically tedious cars ever made….it turns the automobile into a consumer durable, and has about as much character as a washing machine.”
Okay, it’s boring. I get it. He also says reliability was good, it was attractively priced, spacious, and achieved “moderate success.” They sold almost a million of these things, so “moderate” I think is a bit modest, even. Based on all these criteria, why isn’t the Toyota Corolla in here? Or a Chevy Cavalier or a Honda Accord or a Nissan Sentra or any number of other good yet boring cars? Is it because it’s from Malaysia instead of Japan? Because that would explain why the Proton Wira is in this book of worst cars instead of the Mitsubishi Lancer upon which it was based, because it’s essentially the same car!
(I love how shitty the capture for this Wira commercial is; I didn’t know you could get YouTube via rabbit ears)
It doesn’t deserve to be in this book. It’s not “worst” of anything. Sure, it’s boring, and I consider being boring to be one of the worst crimes a car can commit, but if the car does the job it’s supposed to do, it’s just not the “worst.” I guarantee you there are plenty of Wira owners and former owners that have deeply fond feelings towards these cars, just like how you probably know someone with a boring-ass Camry that loves it and has given it a name and everything. It gets them where they need to go with minimal fuss and enough convenience and comfort, and that’s what it’s supposed to do, dammit.
Also, if being boring is criteria for being a “worst car,” then Craig needs to grant pardons to most of the non-boring cars in this book! A rational if dull everyday commuter car is worst, and so is a car that can go in the water like a boat? Craig needs to make up his damn mind, already.
Plus, how many carmakers went this wild making a commercial showing a mid-cycle refresh:
This is the first defense of a Worst Car entry that hasn’t focused so much about the traits or design or features of a particular car, but rather on more general ideas, like a car being entirely adequate, and, as a result, not worthy of being pilloried in a book like this. The Wira never did anything to you, Craig! Hell, other than taking a bunch of people where they needed to go, what has the Wira done to anybody? Putting this in a Worst Cars in the World book is like putting the spoon in a Worst Eating Utensils in the World book because, what, it’s boring? It gets food from the plate to your mouth too predictably? There’s no drama or excitement or panaché?
Plus, I think to some degree, the Wira leaned into its mundanity enough that it almost became a personality of its own. Take this ad for a Special Edition Wira:
Eight percent more horsepower! I love how clinically specific that is as a way to crow about your fast car – by a single-digit percentage compared, I guess, to the base model? Are people thinking holy shit, that’s 80% of 10% more power!? These had a 1.8-liter engine making a very respectable 138 hp, and – I think the ad buries the lede here – it had Lotus-tuned suspension! That’s not so boring!
Fine. The Proton Wira was a Meh Car, sure. But it also wasn’t a Worst Car. Craig, why are you like this? What happened to you?
My wife grew up in the back of a Proton Wira, as well as the Proton Saga that preceded it.
Her mother is Malaysian, so her English father wanted to buy a Malaysian car here in England.
From what she’s told me, those Protons were not particularly interesting, but were excellent and perfectly reliable – the Saga got passed to a family member and did years more service around Europe after they got rid of it.
The Wira was eventually totaled in an accident, and replaced by a Rover 400 which was apparently just as dull, but without any of the reliability.
You can get a Saga in Hot Wheels form if she wants to relive the memories.
I may just do that! She wasn’t into cars before I met her, but she looks back so fondly at those Protons.
“Quite simply it’s one of the most soulless, bland and dynamically tedious cars ever made….it turns the automobile into a consumer durable, and has about as much character as a washing machine.”
So… does this car manage to make a Corolla feel sporty?
I think Cheetham was influenced by Car Magazine and Top Gear ruthlessly slating Proton at every opportunity.
This is unfortunately the case with most of the British population that I speak to. Even years later, people blindly repeat ignorant opinions given by Clarkson as though they’re facts.
Like everybody hating the Morris Marina, the Reliant Robin or the Kia C apostrophy D, without ever having driven any of them or even seen them for real.
But easy times back then: Nobody needed their own opinion, they could just use Clarkson’s.. Even when writing books 🙁
What Jason doesn’t know is that the Wira hit-and-ran Craig’s wife while on holiday in Penang. Ever since, he has had it in his mind to write this book. This car is the reason for this book.
I think it’s for the optional wing pictured in the ad for the Special Edition model.
Don’t forget to rip out page 243 in your book.
I don’t know who this Craig guy is and if he has ever driven this, but I have, and it was almost as good as the Mitsubishi it was based on, which in turn was a little snappy beast.
Badmouthing blandness in an era when german luxury is defined by rhomboid glo-dashboards a-la mid-80’s puke and ipads thrown to a dashboard and held to stick is probably an easy thing.
Ever since the Toronado listing, I’m starting to question what bad car is. What a good car, is even. What makes a car good or bad? How is this being judged? Is a car too good, bad? Is a car too bad good? Is bad good? Is dark light? Is up down? I don’t know anymore!
It’s sure as hell not in that book.
As ’90s Mitsubishi Lancer-y as it might be, it’s still an integral part of developing the Malaysian automotive industry. Plus Proton owned Lotus! Now it’s all part of Geely but it’s still a car that led to interesting things.
Protus
Loton?
Apologies if anyone has mentioned this in the comments of previous articles in the series, but it would be interesting to get the staff’s (and commentariat’s) takes about what really are the worst cars of all time.
Ford Ecosport. There’s the answer.
Nope, that would be the Dodge Viper. Any one of them with a V10 in it.
Oh yes. I second the EcoSport. Hateful little shitbox.
I submit:
Chevrolet Chevette (any year)
Chevrolet Citation (any year)
I can’t think of any redeeming feature or quirk. They used to be ubiquitous but there are almost zero survivors (there must be some somewhere…?), I suspect because they are awful. No one wanted to keep one going. I see other mundane economy cars of that same era still putting around but not any of GM’s cheap garbage.
Pontiac Sunfire/Chevy Cavalier? What a horrible experience those things were.
But a cheap and reliable horrible experience. And if capitalism has taught us anything, is that there is a sliding scale of acceptable quality based on price.
Price, Reliability, Comfort, Excitement. Any car checking at least 2 of those boxes is probably fine.
I had a Chevy Epica where I think it could be a bottom contender: Price (3/10), Reliability (5/10), Comfort (6/10), Excitement (2/10). Basically a Malibu for more money, less HP, less MPG, less quality, same size
Yeah, that would be interesting. I say Ford Granada
I would say that the worst cars are ones that easily and quickly rusted, the rear wheels locked up at modest application of the brakes, and stalled due to vapor lock when you tried to accelerate into traffic.
Cars like the Dodge Aspen/Plymouth Volare and GM X Cars would fit that bill.
“Oh, I should also mention that tomorrow I leave for Pebble Beach, where David and Beau and I will be doing all manner of fun car things and getting those fun car things on video and in stories, so I say this series will take a little hiatus until I get back”
No! Bring the Commodore as checked luggage. I assume running this script remotely is beyond whatever remote computing capabilities the Autopian Mainframe may have.
I assume it’s all entered on punched card.
If reliable, affordable, but boring cars was the criteria for “worst” the book would be filled with Toyotas. Toyota has certainly made interesting but reliable affordable, but boring seems to be their bread and butter.
Maybe I missed it, but is there an introduction to this book telling us how the author defines “worst”? In my mind, the word means “has no redeeming qualities”.
This car is boring, but has (apparently) the qualities of being cheap and reliable. For some folks that’s more than plenty enough to make it “good”.
At the opposite end of that scale is the Triumph Stag. When it was running, it was a fast and fun GT. Problem was, it didn’t run often, and when it failed it wasn’t easy to fix. Still, it’s not “worst”.
There are very few cars I would think of as “worst” using the definition of “no redeeming qualities”. One that *does* come to mind is the US-spec Yugo. Yes it was cheap, but that’s not a redeeming quality if it isn’t reliable. And when it did run right, it wasn’t interesting to drive.
Agreed, except that the Yugo is quirky enough to have a cult following. A true “worst” car would have to be unreliable, a poor performer, and so dull that even a shitty-car enthusiast would forget it existed.
I spent many hours as a passenger around Singapore in a beige over beige one of these back in the late 90’s. You certainly didn’t need the 8% more horsepower because there’s nowhere to drive anything resembling fast in Singapore. It was just as forgettable as you would expect. However the real reason for the horsepower and displacement there was that it was the highest amount that qualified for the less expensive class 3 certificate of entitlement (2L and under engine), which at the time cost an astonishing amount of money– something like $50,000. The certificate of entitlement is a piece of paper you bid for in a government auction to obtain the permission to buy a car. Once you had one of those coveted COE’s you could buy that crappy beige Proton and pay 45% taxes on the purchase. So that car in the late 90’s in Singapore would have set you back something approaching 100 grand. And that was a bargain. A COE by itself now costs about $106,000.
Oh yeah. COE is so ridiculous now that Proton nope-d their way out of Singapore.
If it’s basically a Lancer, can one somehow shoehorn Evo bits under it and make a hilarious sleeper 😕
That was supposed to be a chin-stroking emoji, not a slightly disgruntled emoji. Why did that happen ????
That conversion has been done quite lot both in Australia and elsewhere, also with the Jumbuck ute!
https://youtu.be/9eErdIjtPiA?si=mXv1YBL404YDZNV0
That little yellow monster is adorable.
You can, and many did.
You can even go rallying in it.
https://www.tiktok.com/@allanchamweilun/video/6978788836470033690
Have a great time in Pebble Beach and I offer my heartfelt condolences in advance for your dog shredding your copy of “The World’s Worst Cars” while you were carousing with “Posh” Tracy and rest of the gang on the Left Coast. I know you’ll be sad to leave this series unfinished, but understand that it will be impossible to continue. I’m sure you’ll move on to even more scintillating subjects like Eileen Kennedy-Moore’s “Moody Moody Cars.” (You do have dog, right? If not, blame Otto, teens ruin everything.)
I think Amazon has him covered. Just 1/4 of another membership wasted.
I’ve driven one of these!
It was a car, it did all of the car things I needed it to do and none of the not-car things I dread a car doing.
Plus, as it was a rental, I got to drive it flat out and horribly abuse it with clutchless gear changes and stuff, which was a layer of fun spread over a solid base of car-ness. I loved it a little after that.
Better than a mk1 Vectra (bet that’s in the book, I had one as a company car for a month and it suuuucked), no worse than all the other just-a-car type of cars that millions of people drive every day with no strong feelings about them.
I knew a guy with a Proton Satria GTi and was genuinely envious of its Lotus tuned suspension badges. He used to rally it. That was a cool car.
I wonder if Proton got a bulk deal from Pep Boys for that Special Edition wing.
Today I learned something! I saw a handful of these when I was in Africa last year, though I could only make out the Proton name and not the model. As bad or meh as they may be, they can’t be total crap as they are still rolling around central Africa decades later.
1981 Wolfsburg made (Octoberfest) Volkswagen Jetta diesel.
There was a Proton dealer here in Costa Rica back then. None of the (dozens at most) cars they sold are still on the road.
The Satria GTI was an interesting hatch and that’s all I remember:
https://www.pistonheads.com/news/ph-spottedykywt/proton-satria-gti–spotted/47281
The facelift youtube video is amazing because it shows just how little effort was put into it. Wow, a new grill and taillights?
They said the quiet part out loud!
I’m growing wira of this Cheetham guy’s opinions…
With this being made by Proton maybe he was worried about crossing the streams.
The interesting Court of Public Opinion is something that make me laugh in regards to this subject. in the 80’s the Gremlin and even to an extent the Eagle Wagons were often laughed at for weird styling and the same exact inline six as the AMC cars of the 60’s. But cue the Hipster Radwood generation and suddenly the things are gold. not to mention the Jeep Crowd making all sorts of love comments about the FI 4.0 Variant of the engine.
It is repeating itself lately with the Youtubers searching out and in some cases restomodding Pontiac Azteks.
Despite how the car drives anything made by a company named “Proton” already sounds cool.